dreadful tomorrows

today was a long day.  i pretty much spent all day practising for the musical thing we're doing...... sigh....

i realized that i'm getting closer and close to university....... closer to having to choose where to go.

i'm kind of hoping that i dont get accepted into too many, because then i wont have to choose where i go.

part of me wants to leave, part of me wants to stay, and if i leave, where to?

i put my first choice as waterloo, but the only thing good about going there is that they have the best program, and i know the city.. and it seems so optimal........ but i'd be so far away from the people at home....... and .. i dont know whats going to happen to the band. i dont want to leave, even though we've only been together for like a year and a half maybe, i dont want to leave.......... i feel like i've just begun to get to know everyone...and ii havent had enough of everyone yet.... =( i dont want to think about ittt i dont want to grow up....

second choice is mcmaster....... and well...... its not so bad, the work load wont be as crazy as waterloo... and i've been to the campus, it's pretty nice... and i know a few people there... i can come back more often to see people and maybe even stay in the band? ohhh.. i dont know....... =/  i actually wouldnt mind.. haha... im hoping i get accepted to only one: waterloo or mcmaster.. please dont let it be both. i dont want to choose.

western - i dont think i wanna go there anymore lol..... haha........ thats so funny........ not really...... i just know some people there but like meh......... lol (hehe)

ryerson - staying. it's great that i'm accepted already.. and i have the choice to stay.. lol and well that would mean staying in the band, and at home....... ugh.........i dont really want to stay. hhaa so contradictory.. but i dont want to go..... so maybe the best choice is mcmaster? or maybe its time to move on? but i dont want to...............



why is saying goodbye so hard?
why bother making friends in the first place then?
im so pessimistic today.
sometimes thats why i distance myself. because i dont want to say goodbye.


im not even good at making friends anymore. i think i just forgot how to communicate with people. i feel so sad. i think back and then i wonder how i could have been so outgoing and ... now i dont know what i am. an ugly inbetween...... maybe... i can still talk to people and continue a conversation and stuff.. but sometimes i just dont feel it. i dont know. or i don tknow what to say or do.....and im just stuck. maybe its all just a sorry excuse for me to just be alone........