God is Greater

We sang this song at fellowship on Friday, and the words sunk into me.


You can listen to it here: http://youtu.be/O6Fw8DgvTQA


Still - Hillsong


Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God


Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God


These words spoke to me because a lot of the times I want to be able to do everything on my own, to be able to take care of myself, to be independent. I'm not someone who really likes asking other people for help, especially when I know that it is something I can probably do, but just might take longer than what I expect from myself, or because I don't want to bother them. I can't always do things by myself, on my own. There are just so many things that are bigger than me, things that I'd need someone else to help me with, or that require team work, etc. I still have to learn that I'm not really in total control of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to go into panic mode and stay in my safety zone. What I really need to realize, is that my life is in God's hands. He has total control, and He is the only person that has total control over my life. Oh what a relief! My life is in the hands of someone who knows everything, who can do anything, and who is just and good.

Doesn't that just give you a feeling of relief? It does for me. Sure, it can be hard to always do the right thing, or make the wisest decisions, but ultimately, God has total control - if you let Him have it. God can turn your world around, He can release you from all your burdens, all your addictions, pains, and sufferings. You just have to trust and believe in Him, and do your part. By drawing closer to God, by doing your best in everything. God has never, and will never let me down, and because I know this, I just have to complete the other 50% (probably less, even) of the work, to be able to charge through any task. Nothing is too big for God to handle, no matter how big it may seem to us, humans.  I know that this is a really difficult thing to do - to put your faith in God when maybe you don't even know Him that well, or maybe you haven't really seen Him at work in your life or whatever the situation is; but I know that if you do, great things can happen, and it will change your life forever. Remember that you are never alone when facing challenges. You will always have God, and you will also have those around you that God has blessed you with - other people that are going through similar struggles, or maybe people that have already overcome the struggles you're facing now. So take advantage of the opportunities and blessings that God has given you! You will discover God's power and it will reinforce your faith in Him even more.

I'll leave you with this song today:

http://youtu.be/zlA5IDnpGhc - Our God, Chris Tomlin

Bring Me Back to You

For quite some time now, I've had this song stuck in my head - wherever I went, I would be humming this song to myself, or whenever I'm alone, these lyrics were running through my head..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Joj_7pjfa18 - Silence, by Jars of Clay

As you could probably tell from some of my earlier posts, I've been having a pretty stressful week. Although I don't usually fully express myself sometimes, I guess my subconscious was shouting out to God for help, to give me patience with my group for the group project, and just to bring Him back into the centre of my life again. My heart was crying out to Him, wondering where He is, wanting to feel His love again.

I kept praying for God to help me get through this busy week and not to take the fact that I've been getting rejected from lots of jobs and feeling neglected from my group personally. But the truth is that I haven't been totally alone this week, I haven't been left to deal with all the things that have been bothering me on my own.

I know this because today started out alright, I was reluctant to get out of bed (as usual), I fell asleep in this class I've been skipping a lot of (at least I was physically there this time), and then I had group work. Group work is a funny thing, especially when you're the only one working. I worked on the project during two different time intervals today, once with the group, and once without. The first time was very frustrating, as the manufacturing process was going by really slowly and inefficiently, and I am someone who likes to be productive, and multitask - since it gets things done faster, and less time is wasted. But it seemed like no one else was thinking the same way; when I tried to do a task that could be done at the same time as another task (in parallel), my group stopped me and said that they wanted to do everything one step at a time, to ensure that nothing would go wrong. Inside I knew that nothing would go wrong - because what I wanted to do had to be done anyway, and the step they were working on wouldn't have to be completed in order to continue anyway. I felt so useless just sitting there doing nothing, especially when there were plenty of things that I could have done to help the project move along at a faster pace, since the due date was fast approaching.

The second time I went to work on the project was when I was working on it alone, for the most part. It was already pretty well into the evening when I started working, so my other group members were already tired and didn't want to work - which worked out for me since I got to work at my own pace, and pretty much got to finally take control and do more hands-on work. I had a good time working with the machinery and then sanding down the wooden pieces. Although I was a bit frustrated that I was the only one who seemed to really care about the project enough to go back and work on it again, I still had a good time working at the shop because of some of my classmates that God blessed me with. They helped me out with anything that I needed help with, joked around with me so that I wouldn't think about being angry or frustrated, and they really did help to turn my day around. Although they left before I did, I was still feeling good and was just slightly worried about the other assignment that I had to finish for tomorrow.

Which is a funny thing, because I was kind of annoyed by the fact that there were no free computers to do my assignment on at the computer lab in the building that I was in, so I had to walk to another building to find a room with free computers that had the software I needed to use. Then I bumped into one of my friends from my fellowship and just seeing another familiar face made me happy and it really reminded me of how much God cared about me - that He would give me friends to comfort me while I'm frustrated, to keep me company and to give me motivation to finish my other assignment.  Just seeing my friends when I'm not feeling the best really does give me a mental boost and makes me happy since I got to see them and then I don't feel so bad anymore.

It gets even better. I spent a very long time trying to figure out how to do my assignment that's due tomorrow. I had a hard time keeping up during the previous lecture, so I wasn't really really prepared to do the assignment. Surprisingly, I was able to maintain focus and my brain was able to quickly think of other solutions or substitutions that would still get me to the final product (finished assignment). Again, God showed me just how perfect His timing was - not just bumping into friends but just as I finally figured out and completed my assignment, the lights in the lab room flickered on and off once, and the janitor declared that it was closing time. Awed by the awesomeness of God's timing, I quickly printed out my assignment and packed up to go. As I was getting ready to leave the lab, this song started to play from my phone (I was listening to my phone on shuffle while working):

 http://youtu.be/a3CZIoJZ56Y - "Have You Ever" by Shawn McDonald.

I was so glad that I had gotten a lot of work done on my project, and also finished my assignment that I struggled with for so long. I was happy that my classmates were there with me when I was working on my project, and that I got to see my friend from fellowship and also another friend that lives in my building but I hadn't seen in a very long time. God never fails to show me how deep His love is for me - there is no bottom to it. Like the song sings, "I have tasted of a love so wide, that it stops all my time. I have tasted of a love so deep, that it blows my mind." God is so good to me, so good, to someone who is so unworthy of love, someone who makes so many mistakes, that I just can't help but to love Him back and smile.

Here are the lyrics to Have You Ever; I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!


Have you ever wanted to be someone else
Have you ever wanted just to be someone
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems


Chorus:
I have tasted of a love so wide
That it stops all my time
I have tasted of a love so deep
That it blows my mind


Have you ever wanted to reach up and touch the sky
Have you ever wanted to pack it up and say good-bye
Have you ever wanted someone to care
Have you ever wanted someone to be there


He is sweet, He is sweet
What you're looking for
Is my sweet, sweet Jesus
What you're looking for
Is my sweet Lord


- Shawn McDonald

Resist, Rest and Restore

Today was a crappy day. I couldn't fall asleep last night.... insomnia came at me again (not my roommates), and by the time I woke up again this morning it still felt like I had only closed my eyes for a few seconds. I had an early morning class to attend that I couldn't skip because we always have in-class assignments to do. I didn't know how to do the assignment anyway, and although I bugged the TAs a lot they weren't very helpful, and they didn't seem to know how to do the assignment either. Like a good, focused student I am, I got distracted and decided to check if I got any job interviews for coop - and I did! There was my highlight of the day - finding out I got an interview, another chance to get a job for the winter term. I also had a test on linear algebra during my last class of the day - something about binary numbers and inverse matrices - things that I thought I understood... but I probably failed the test. Thanks to insomnia, I fell asleep so many times during the lecture right before the test that my friend had to keep poking me every so often to keep me awake. I went into the test feeling really tired, and nervous. If I didn't perform well on this test then there would be a lot more pressure on my final exam, since the tests are worth 50% of my final grade and the other 50% would be my final exam.

After the test I had a group meeting, and we had a pretty big problem to figure out. Part of our project was complete but the other part of the project wasn't ready at all... and no one had any feasible ideas. Despite the fact that I was already half falling asleep and quite depressed from the test, I still put in the effort to rack my brain and think of solutions. Perhaps I was just too tired or drained to properly observe, but it felt like every time I came up with a possible solution, someone in my group would automatically start picking at it and telling me why they think it wouldn't work - which is totally fine with me, if it weren't for the way they said it and the fact that they didn't even bother to hear me out and listen to what I had to say about it. The worst part is that they didn't even try to come up with solutions themselves. Well one or two of them did, but it just seemed like ideas that were stolen from other groups' designs.. and it didn't really seem like they put much thought into it. The rest of them were just swearing and saying things like how they had no clue, and didn't want to think about it right now. Every time the group meets up to do work, I feel like it's just a big waste of time - nothing or barely anything gets done, and the stuff that does get done is stuff that could take one person half the time to do. Anyway, maybe I'm just tired and grumpy so I misinterpreted the whole thing. Maybe my group does like and respect me. Maybe they did actually think about possible solutions but I just didn't hear them. I could have zoned out. Sometimes I wonder if there's still a point in my trying when no one else does. It's almost a lose - lose situation until you make them realize that everyone is going to fail if they don't start doing some good quality work. I don't care if you don't like my ideas. Just give me a legit reason why it wouldn't work, hear me out, or come up with a better solution. I drew out some diagrams of my ideas on paper for them too, and this isn't really a big deal but it bothered me just a tiny bit to see that it ended up on the ground under someone's chair after the group meeting. It was probably an accident, or the wind, or someone who knocked it over.

I guess the only way to get out of this miserable state is to just ignore everything, take a deep breath, and pretend that nothing happened. Gotta calm down, take a nap, pray - lift all of my burdens to God, and restore my body so that I can make the most out of what tomorrow has to offer. I know that God didn't put me here and give me these problems if He knew I couldn't handle them and come out a stronger person. I gotta remember that this is all just training for bigger things He has planned for me later in life. It doesn't matter that the curry I just made for dinner is too watery, and that Windows Media Player isn't working. These things will seem so small and petty in the long run, so why should I waste time worrying and thinking about it now? (although.. I should probably make sure that this chicken is fully cooked...)


Oh yes, resist. Resist the urge to slap someone. This is quite a must!

Here is another song that has been travelling from computer to computer to laptop with me ever since I first used a computer =)
http://youtu.be/e4uZn5gLIY8  - Remember Me, Mark Schultz

I stumbled upon this after looking for the link above: http://youtu.be/KSFH6_IiOlw which seems to relate more to my day - I guess..  (He Will Carry Me - Mark Schultz)

Say Won't You Say

This song just started playing from my library. I've had this for quite some time (ever since I first started using a computer.. like ages ago). This is the first time I've actually listened to the lyrics..

You can listen to it here: http://youtu.be/9gjO9gmvRWM (Sorry I couldn't find a better quality version... and yes, I think people are eating in the background..)

By Jennifer Knapp

Chorus:
Say won't You say
Say that You love me
with love, ever, love, love everlasting?
All my devotion put into motion by You

Every morning I
have a chance to rise and give my all
but every afternoon I find I have only wasted time
In light of Your awe
Isn't love amazing, I forgot how to speak
knowing You are near and I am finally free

My eyes fear to close
this reckless letting go is hard to bear
on the edge of all I need, still I cling to what I see
and what have I there?
Bred my own disaster, who have I to blame?
When all I need is waiting to be fanned to flame

I opened up my eyes to see You standing there
Oh I can barely breathe, and I can hardly bear
All the love that I feel for You inside
I hope You feel it now, some,somehow

Music is a Universal Language

It has been a long time since my last post, and I have realized that this is starting to turn into more of a monthly thing, than one that is more frequent. I must say that it is not only because of all the work and school that engineering has to offer, but also because of how I choose to spend my free time. Yes, I have free time! I have joined my school's Korean Christian fellowship - even though I'm not Korean ( it's really not a big deal). The group is pretty multicultural, despite the fact that it's "Korean". Everyone there was so welcoming and nice that I felt like I had always been there, after my second time attending. Perhaps it was because I already felt like I somewhat knew them, since my sister had talked about them and her experience in the fellowship while she was still there.

What is a fellowship? In case you were asking, I am here to explain! For this kind of context, and from what I have observed and experienced, a Christian fellowship is a bunch of people gathered together, where anyone is welcome - Christian or not, and they gather to discuss, share, and grow together in our faith. Being a Christian is a difficult thing to do, and so by being in a Christian fellowship like this, we can grow together. When I say grow, I mean this  in many different ways. Firstly, and most importantly, growing means growing in Christ - by learning more about Him, through prayer, or by studying the Bible, by understanding how we should be living our daily lives. Choosing to be a Christian is choosing this lifestyle - it isn't really a religion, in my opinion. True, it may sound like there are "rituals" to be done, and things that seem strange, but anything out of context can be strange. What I am trying to say is that a Christian fellowship helps to connect people to Christ, and through Christ, to each other.

I've learned that the relationships one can build through a Christian fellowship can be very strong. For example, I've been attending the same church for my entire life, until I went to university. During those many years of being at that one church, I've met so many people, and developed so many relationships with lovely people. These are the people I can count on to set me straight when I do something wrong, to comfort me when I am in despair, and to remind me always, of how great, and powerful God is, and what He is continuously doing in my life! Although I moved on to university, I am not too saddened by the fact that I won't be able to see my church friends as often, because I know that we are brothers and sisters in Christ, and because of this family-like bond I have with them, I know that they always have my back and that this is a kind of friendship that I am not afraid to lose (that isn't capable of being lost... did I lose you?). I am aware that many people come and go, in my short lifetime, but I have also learned that God has different plans for different people, and that they must go do what they have been made to do. I know that the bonds I have made with these people will never truly be broken, no matter how long it has been since we last talked. My only hope and concern is that they continue to walk in their journey towards God, and find other people to accompany them along throughout the different parts. Moving on is always a difficult thing to do, but I always remind myself that even though I may not see them, or hear from them, they will always be a part of me because they have made an impact in my Spiritual life, and I will always remember and love them for that.

I'm not quite sure where this post is going, to be honest. So let me try to get back to what I was going at earlier, with this post. So since I've joined the Korean Christian Fellowship here, I have met many people, and also realized that I've become less introverted. Meeting new people has started to flow a bit more smoothly for me, I am not as awkward as I used to be, or as I had imagined (phew). I think this is all about a change in my perspective, in the way I view people now. Not to say that I've grown up that I know everything, there is still much to learn and experience, but I'm trying to say that I have changed my perspective on meeting new people and making new friends to journey with on our walks of faith! It is so exciting! Every part of my walk in Christ is an adventure, whether I'm alone, or with other people - sometimes they are the same, sometimes they are different, but what matters most is that we cherish and make the most of each adventure and opportunity we have together to experience and spread God's glory!

Last week was a very busy week for me, aside from school. I have joined the worship team for my fellowship, and also joined the worship small group - which is more like a time where we get to know a smaller group of people in the fellowship a bit better, and improve our musical skills. Last week was hectic but also very rewarding and a very happy time for me because of worship. Music is a universal language, and what I mean by that is that anyone can join in, anyone is free to make music, and there is no wrong answer. Sure, you can play a wrong note or play in the wrong key, but everyone understands this language, everyone is welcome to it, and you don't even need to play the same instrument! Music already connects the people playing with each other, but musical worship is even stronger. In my opinion, I feel like I open up faster to people with whom I participate in musical worship because of our brother/sisterly bond in Christ, as well as through music. The act of worshipping God and praising Him for all the things He has done is just so magnificent, that I never want to stop! After every worship session I find myself focused on God, and my heart filled with adoration and I almost want to cry, because I remember just how great God is and because of how He has changed my life over the years.

I love music, and because of my relationship with God, which is a personal one, musical worship plays a very key part in my life, and I can't imagine what it would be like not to have it. Worship is not just about singing along to lyrics and to music, or just randomly playing an instrument. Worship is about understanding, believing, and really feeling the song, what we're singing, and what we're playing. You don't even have to sing in the same language as someone else you are worshipping with! The beauty of musical worship is that you aren't being judged by your musical talent, or skills you may or may not have - worship comes from the heart, and is meant to be genuine. You are free to worship in whatever way you are most comfortable!

As life goes on, and I reflect about all the things that have happened in my life, all the good and bad, I see how God has worked in my life for the better, and just knowing that He is always with me and wanting the best for me is so powerful that it gives me the motivation to keep going, to keep strong and also to let everyone else around me know about Him so that they can also be overwhelmed with joy when they realize what God did for them, before they even knew Him. I am so excited to continue on my journey (I feel like I paused it when I was typing this up, even though I know time doesn't stop for me), especially with my new friends here. God is love, love is here, and it is meant to be spread and enjoyed by all people!

As always, I want to leave you with a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc&ob=av2e this was one of the song the worship team did last week!  < Right click and open it in a new tab so you can keep reading and listen at the same time!>

To end, here is something I just read, and happened to relate to this post - oh wow.
this is today's  (Nov.17, 2011) devotion from http://utmost.org <-- they post a new one every day!

By Myself I have sworn, says the Lord, because you have done this thing . . . I will bless you . . . —Genesis 22:16-17

Abraham, at this point, has reached where he is in touch with the very nature of God. He now understands the reality of God.

My goal is God Himself . . .
At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.

“At any cost . . . by any road” means submitting to God’s way of bringing us to the goal.

There is no possibility of questioning God when He speaks, if He speaks to His own nature in me. Prompt obedience is the only result. When Jesus says, “Come,” I simply come; when He says, “Let go,” I let go; when He says, “Trust God in this matter,” I trust. This work of obedience is the evidence that the nature of God is in me.

God’s revelation of Himself to me is influenced by my character, not by God’s character.

’Tis because I am ordinary,
Thy ways so often look ordinary to me.

It is through the discipline of obedience that I get to the place where Abraham was and I see who God is. God will never be real to me until I come face to face with Him in Jesus Christ. Then I will know and can boldly proclaim, “In all the world, my God, there is none but Thee, there is none but Thee.”

The promises of God are of no value to us until, through obedience, we come to understand the nature of God. We may read some things in the Bible every day for a year and they may mean nothing to us. Then, because we have been obedient to God in some small detail, we suddenly see what God means and His nature is instantly opened up to us. “All the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen . . .” (2 Corinthians 1:20). Our “Yes” must be born of obedience; when by obedience we ratify a promise of God by saying, “Amen,” or, “So be it.” That promise becomes ours.