Today was a crappy day. I couldn't fall asleep last night.... insomnia came at me again (not my roommates), and by the time I woke up again this morning it still felt like I had only closed my eyes for a few seconds. I had an early morning class to attend that I couldn't skip because we always have in-class assignments to do. I didn't know how to do the assignment anyway, and although I bugged the TAs a lot they weren't very helpful, and they didn't seem to know how to do the assignment either. Like a good, focused student I am, I got distracted and decided to check if I got any job interviews for coop - and I did! There was my highlight of the day - finding out I got an interview, another chance to get a job for the winter term. I also had a test on linear algebra during my last class of the day - something about binary numbers and inverse matrices - things that I thought I understood... but I probably failed the test. Thanks to insomnia, I fell asleep so many times during the lecture right before the test that my friend had to keep poking me every so often to keep me awake. I went into the test feeling really tired, and nervous. If I didn't perform well on this test then there would be a lot more pressure on my final exam, since the tests are worth 50% of my final grade and the other 50% would be my final exam.
After the test I had a group meeting, and we had a pretty big problem to figure out. Part of our project was complete but the other part of the project wasn't ready at all... and no one had any feasible ideas. Despite the fact that I was already half falling asleep and quite depressed from the test, I still put in the effort to rack my brain and think of solutions. Perhaps I was just too tired or drained to properly observe, but it felt like every time I came up with a possible solution, someone in my group would automatically start picking at it and telling me why they think it wouldn't work - which is totally fine with me, if it weren't for the way they said it and the fact that they didn't even bother to hear me out and listen to what I had to say about it. The worst part is that they didn't even try to come up with solutions themselves. Well one or two of them did, but it just seemed like ideas that were stolen from other groups' designs.. and it didn't really seem like they put much thought into it. The rest of them were just swearing and saying things like how they had no clue, and didn't want to think about it right now. Every time the group meets up to do work, I feel like it's just a big waste of time - nothing or barely anything gets done, and the stuff that does get done is stuff that could take one person half the time to do. Anyway, maybe I'm just tired and grumpy so I misinterpreted the whole thing. Maybe my group does like and respect me. Maybe they did actually think about possible solutions but I just didn't hear them. I could have zoned out. Sometimes I wonder if there's still a point in my trying when no one else does. It's almost a lose - lose situation until you make them realize that everyone is going to fail if they don't start doing some good quality work. I don't care if you don't like my ideas. Just give me a legit reason why it wouldn't work, hear me out, or come up with a better solution. I drew out some diagrams of my ideas on paper for them too, and this isn't really a big deal but it bothered me just a tiny bit to see that it ended up on the ground under someone's chair after the group meeting. It was probably an accident, or the wind, or someone who knocked it over.
I guess the only way to get out of this miserable state is to just ignore everything, take a deep breath, and pretend that nothing happened. Gotta calm down, take a nap, pray - lift all of my burdens to God, and restore my body so that I can make the most out of what tomorrow has to offer. I know that God didn't put me here and give me these problems if He knew I couldn't handle them and come out a stronger person. I gotta remember that this is all just training for bigger things He has planned for me later in life. It doesn't matter that the curry I just made for dinner is too watery, and that Windows Media Player isn't working. These things will seem so small and petty in the long run, so why should I waste time worrying and thinking about it now? (although.. I should probably make sure that this chicken is fully cooked...)
Oh yes, resist. Resist the urge to slap someone. This is quite a must!
Here is another song that has been travelling from computer to computer to laptop with me ever since I first used a computer =)
http://youtu.be/e4uZn5gLIY8 - Remember Me, Mark Schultz
I stumbled upon this after looking for the link above: http://youtu.be/KSFH6_IiOlw which seems to relate more to my day - I guess.. (He Will Carry Me - Mark Schultz)
After the test I had a group meeting, and we had a pretty big problem to figure out. Part of our project was complete but the other part of the project wasn't ready at all... and no one had any feasible ideas. Despite the fact that I was already half falling asleep and quite depressed from the test, I still put in the effort to rack my brain and think of solutions. Perhaps I was just too tired or drained to properly observe, but it felt like every time I came up with a possible solution, someone in my group would automatically start picking at it and telling me why they think it wouldn't work - which is totally fine with me, if it weren't for the way they said it and the fact that they didn't even bother to hear me out and listen to what I had to say about it. The worst part is that they didn't even try to come up with solutions themselves. Well one or two of them did, but it just seemed like ideas that were stolen from other groups' designs.. and it didn't really seem like they put much thought into it. The rest of them were just swearing and saying things like how they had no clue, and didn't want to think about it right now. Every time the group meets up to do work, I feel like it's just a big waste of time - nothing or barely anything gets done, and the stuff that does get done is stuff that could take one person half the time to do. Anyway, maybe I'm just tired and grumpy so I misinterpreted the whole thing. Maybe my group does like and respect me. Maybe they did actually think about possible solutions but I just didn't hear them. I could have zoned out. Sometimes I wonder if there's still a point in my trying when no one else does. It's almost a lose - lose situation until you make them realize that everyone is going to fail if they don't start doing some good quality work. I don't care if you don't like my ideas. Just give me a legit reason why it wouldn't work, hear me out, or come up with a better solution. I drew out some diagrams of my ideas on paper for them too, and this isn't really a big deal but it bothered me just a tiny bit to see that it ended up on the ground under someone's chair after the group meeting. It was probably an accident, or the wind, or someone who knocked it over.
I guess the only way to get out of this miserable state is to just ignore everything, take a deep breath, and pretend that nothing happened. Gotta calm down, take a nap, pray - lift all of my burdens to God, and restore my body so that I can make the most out of what tomorrow has to offer. I know that God didn't put me here and give me these problems if He knew I couldn't handle them and come out a stronger person. I gotta remember that this is all just training for bigger things He has planned for me later in life. It doesn't matter that the curry I just made for dinner is too watery, and that Windows Media Player isn't working. These things will seem so small and petty in the long run, so why should I waste time worrying and thinking about it now? (although.. I should probably make sure that this chicken is fully cooked...)
Oh yes, resist. Resist the urge to slap someone. This is quite a must!
Here is another song that has been travelling from computer to computer to laptop with me ever since I first used a computer =)
http://youtu.be/e4uZn5gLIY8 - Remember Me, Mark Schultz
I stumbled upon this after looking for the link above: http://youtu.be/KSFH6_IiOlw which seems to relate more to my day - I guess.. (He Will Carry Me - Mark Schultz)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Feel free to leave a comment.