I've been learning a lot about what it means to love each other in the context of Christian living lately. Living with a bunch of girls this term has been interesting, and definitely different than living with boys. I have lived with all girls before, but it was during my first year and I didn't really understand a lot of what was going on back then. I'm sure there is more for me to learn (always) about living and loving, but I have especially learned a lot this term. Living with boys before was easy; you could tell them a problem you have straight up, and there would be no problems. Boys do not hold grudges as easily (as far as I know), and once a problem has been resolved, they do not bring it up again.
However, women are not men; and for good reason. I still do not fully understand God's intended purpose for our gender roles, but I believe I am beginning to dig deeper into this issue. Women are different from men in that they like to talk, and are more emotion-based than men. Women generally are better at communicating their thoughts and feelings, while men are generally more capable of working and are generally stronger.
There are always issues when living with other people. You have to be considerate of them, and you may not have the same understanding of many things, some of them being lifestyle, or culture. Today I want to share this passage with you that I feel really resonates deep with what I have learned this term.
It comes from Ephesians 4:
"14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."
I really like this verse because of the imagery it starts out with; because people are "cunning and crafty", we are "tossed back and forth by the waves". It's so true. When people are deceitful, it feels as though you are being tossed around - you feel like a fool.
Then this part is really good. I like this because it clearly outlines what I've been feeling lately about society.
"17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Yes, I can definitely see that our society is going further and further away from living how God had intended. There are more "grey areas" now, and many things that used to not be okay (like "open" relationships, friends with benefits, prostitution, divorce) are now seen as normal. As society drifts in the direction where people start to live for themselves and indulging in whatever pleasures they want, it becomes harder and more important for those of us who call ourselves Christians to hold strong in what we know to be the way of life that is pleasing to God.
"25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
This passage speaks volumes especially to me this term. I learned that it is always better to speak up and voice your concerns to whom it may concern. This clears up any space for assumptions and gossip. Do not pretend to be OK when you are not OK, because it is not OK. Not speaking up and pretending that things are ok is just a recipe for bitterness, rage, and explosion. Exactly as this passage says, "we are all members of one body", and therefore we should respect each other in not speaking poorly or letting "unwholesome talk come out" of our mouths. I really like this passage because it does not only tell us how to behave, but also gives reason as to why and gives practical advice.
I am working on being truthful and not talking about somebody without them being present. I am working on not letting things build up inside me; but bringing up the issue to that person instead. That may be why sometimes people think that I am really straight-up, or blunt, and they may be afraid of me - that I will have an issue with them. This is probably because I need to be more gentle with some souls. I find that most of the time if I have an issue with something, it is because I do not understand the reason behind the action of the person doing it. It is because of this gap between what I see and what I understand, that my brain automatically tries to fill in the gap- usually with negative assumptions rather than good.
But I find that when I actually try to get to know and understand the person more (through asking questions and chatting about the issue first before bringing up my concerns), there is a trust and respect that builds between the two parties. Asking questions about the issue helps both parties to find out what the root of the problem is. Asking questions shows that you are not automatically assuming, it shows that you really care about the person enough to want to find out their reasons behind what they do. Trust builds because the other person trusts you to tell you why they did what they did, as well as trust that you will tell them why you are concerned and not have to worry about how you see them. They don't have to question where your relationship is at (is she mad at me? why is she saying that?); there is no need to be insecure. When both people are transparent with one another, there is trust and respect built between the two. These build stronger friendships and I believe they are the foundations of love.
