Something On My Own

Today after my friend dropped me off at home (after church and lunch), the house was empty so I decided to dig up my (barely worn) roller blades and get some exercise & fresh air. I decided to skate to the neighborhood park to enjoy the scenery in  a car-free space. Anyway, I followed a trail that goes around the park behind an elderly man who was on a mid-day stroll. I never caught up to him even though he was barely three meters ahead of me to begin with. He glanced back a few times and as we went uphill, I fell further behind but as we went downhill, I veered closer. There was one point on the trail where it was significantly steeper going downhill. As I was about to go down, I heard the squealing of tires and a loud "PAKK" sound. I looked ahead and downward. A car had swerved and driven right into a "No Parking" sign just at the park entrance. After checking it out to see if it was safe for me to continue, I went. I sped up really quickly going downhill but I knew I didn't really know how to stop so  I decided to fall. It was a controlled fall, where I landed on my buttocks with my arms not touching the ground. I bent low before falling so that the impact would be lessened. After I fell, the man turned around and came over as he saw me on the ground. He held out his hands towards me to help me get up. I was a little embarrassed so I just spat out, "Hi sorry - I'm not very good at this! Just trying something out..." and he said, "That's OK! At least you weren't like them!" while pointing at the car. We laughed and then I thanked him for helping me and he said, " I can't even skate!"

What a nice man. I guess this term has been pretty quiet for me in terms of the number of meet-ups and social interactions I have. It would have been nice to do things like this with someone else but I thought about it honestly and if I only let myself do activities when I'm with a friend then I would probably never do a lot of things. Sometimes you just have to do things on your own.

Not Counting Down

My boss asked me the beginning of last week, "Counting down the days?". I responded by telling him, "No...".

Today, he asked, "Are you sad you're leaving soon?". To which I replied, "Yes, are you sad?" and he said, "Very sad.". Why is he so cool.

Later, he came over to see how I and my new desk-mate (for the week) were doing with an assignment he had given me.
Him: "How's it going?"
Me: "Oh, we were just complaining about how much work you gave us."
Him: "Well I thought that this being your last week, you could earn some extra cash to go shopping."


yes............. I think I'm really going to miss this workplace. Or maybe just him. Tehee. I hope that wherever I work will have a boss like him or that I will be like him if I become a boss ;) . So cool, friendly, and approachable. 

A Lesson in Love

There are a few things to my morning routine; brush teeth, change, grab lunch from the fridge, and eat cereal. This morning, I went to the kitchen to realize that my lunch was on the counter. I had left it there last night by accident - I was supposed to have put it in the fridge to keep the meat from going bad. However, I remember placing my packed lunch on top of a stack of two larger containers that contained the leftover from the night's meal. The containers were gone from the counter, so they were either in the fridge or somebody came home late and ate their contents. I was a little sad to see this - although it was totally my fault for not remembering to put it in the fridge before going to sleep at night, it would have been nice if someone saw it and put it away for me. It's not like I always forget - it was just something that I had overlooked.

Perhaps I have been too spoiled with my past roommates. Perhaps it is because of the mentality that it is fair for me to treat others how they treat me - and I put their food away when they forget, so they should do the same for me. I know this sounds like a really small petty little thing to be upset over, but it is the small things that make a big difference sometimes. It's not about the food - it's about what it means about you and those around you. To me, it seemed like whoever put away the leftovers deliberately left my food on the counter to go bad. If it was together, and I always pack my lunch in the same container, and it's common knowledge that we keep our lunches in the fridge - then why not just help a friend out and put it away? 

So should I expect this? I guess not. So why am I upset that it didn't happen? Because it feels like an attack in some way, or that they don't reciprocate the care that I have for them. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard, but I was really upset at this. It might have also been a bit worse because the person who was supposed to buy groceries this week (we take turns) didn't get anything yet, and I had run out of soy milk (I'm lactose) to eat with my cereal. Also, there was also no bread, so I couldn't eat breakfast. I ended up just packing a bunch of nuts to eat at work.

Anyway, on my way to work, I was just thinking about whether or not I should be feeling upset and trying to figure out why I felt upset. Then I started thinking about how if they were going to play the "well it's your responsibility, not mine" game, then I should do the same too. I will not remind them when they forget something. I will not help them out if I see something that they may potentially need help with. I will just do what I need to do and just look out for myself. But that didn't sit right with me either. I thought about it some more to see why that didn't sit right. Then I got it. Jesus didn't tell us to treat others they way they treat us. He told us to "love your neighbour as yourself" (Mark 12:31). And so, I have been doing it wrong again. It seems like every time I think that I "know everything" about what's fair and whatnot I am corrected. No, loving someone doesn't mean that I only give what I take, or that I should be mean to someone who was mean to me.

It hurts to love another human being. It's not fair, and sometimes it's tempting to withhold it from someone who has hurt us so that they can feel how we felt. That's what makes love so powerful - because there is a sacrifice. Love is not really love if it is convenient. Love is not really love if it is easy. Love is difficult. Love really takes an effort. So I realized that my whole life, I've still been following the rules of society. I've been treating other people the way they treat me. But that is not how Jesus wants me to live. Loving someone and always putting in the effort to show them that love is what sets us apart from society. Choosing to love when it is difficult, when it is not reciprocated, or even when it is rejected. When you can still love the people who want to kill you, that is really powerful.

So I was upset that my lunch had gone to waste (the meat probably went bad) and that I would starve until dinner time (since I didn't have breakfast either). I was frustrated at myself for not seeing how unloving my thoughts were, and really did not want to love. I checked my email when I got to my office and I saw that there would be a free lunch today for the people that attended this info session that I had signed up for. Then I was once again, shown how deeply my Father loves me - that even though I struggled to learn that lesson of love, even though that I really did not want to love the person who saw my lunch and didn't put it away for me, God still loves me. He loves me enough to show me that He will provide. So after God showed me His love, how can I respond if not in love to those around me?

Spelling Doesn't Count

As I am starting to get more and more exposed to work life and things outside of school, I find that fewer and fewer people care about spelling and grammar. For example, at work, I get these notes from people who work at hospitals about what kinds of things they need/want when doing renovations. The spelling is off - even simple words like sensor becomes "senor" and radiation becomes "radition". It's not even like a one-time thing either, they spell it wrong the same way EVERYWHERE! It makes me confused sometimes even though I think I know they mean a certain word, but if they spell it wrong consistently then it makes me wonder if that is a new word for me.

Also, people don't care about grammar anymore - it's as if grammar makes things confusing. For example, it seems like nobody wants to use the word "the" anymore; we would say, "Provide valence lighting over desk" instead of "Provide valence lighting over the desk". Nor does anyone want to use the verb "to be"; we say, "Lights to remain" instead of "Lights are to remain".

I guess it makes things more clear........ or more vague.... whatever doesn't get you into trouble..

Outlet.

I really want to punch a wall. I'm super stressed out. I realize that I am easily agitated and easily upset/set off when I am stressed out. My first reaction to mean comments/insults/etc is to want to punch that person in the face. I don't care if my hand breaks. I kind of understand why my friends punched a wall when they were really upset. I just need that kind of outlet. But no, I will not punch anybody. I just need to suck it up and stick it through.....

I know, my life is great. I have a job, an education, and here I am complaining about being stressed out about studying for an exam that I should have passed the first time. What a petty little girl.

What's New: Stresses and Strains of Life

1. My friend is now a DJ for this Asian FM radio station. You can watch his first show here: FM93.9 (it's an hour long)

2. This is a funny video I found trending among my peers in engineering: How It Feels to be an Engineer (a short < 5min video)

3. This is a very scary video that my friend shared of something traumatic that happened. Do not watch this unless you are prepared to be shaken. Dog Owners Beware  I almost cried watching this.

4. Yesterday was a beautiful day. It actually felt like spring was here. Today was chillier, but I think it might be because of all the tall buildings that block out the warmth of the sunlight on my way home from work. =( I was reminded again that it can be a beautiful day, but it doesn't hide the fact that we live in an imperfect world.

5. Pidgin - Since Facebook Chat for Desktop app has been discontinued, my sister discovered an open source program that lets you chat with all your Facebook/other AIM contacts all in one place: http://www.pidgin.im/

6. I can't see my past final exam. So I have no idea what I did wrong/need to work on. My exam is on Monday and as each day goes by I feel more and more hopeless and less and less prepared....

7. On the bright side, I managed to resolve (for now, it seems anyway) a problem I've been having with a coworker at work which was really stressing me out. Also, my boss is back from vacation and he's the best. I have also been working on my own project which is super exciting.

8. Yesterday my sister and I went to a coffee shop near our home. This nice young gentleman saw her struggling to bring our drinks/cake to our table and he helped her out and was real nice about it. =)

9. Lately there have been many losses experienced by my community. With everything happening with me and with those around me, I've been feeling pretty worn out and I found myself (selfishly) thinking that I can't do this anymore and wanting to crumble. If I could feel God's arms around me I think it would make me better. But I guess since we are sinful and I can't see Him, I can only trust that He has control over my life. If I could, I would sing this song: Worn - Tenth Avenue North

10. Today was the first day I started walking home from work. I decided not to buy a bus pass this month to help myself get more exercise --> become healthier --> lose the beer belly. It was chilly but nice. I was thinking maybe I'll roller blade in the small streets instead, but then again it might not be such a good idea as I really suck at roller blading. Maybe I'll just practice before actually going to work in case something happens and I don't make it.

Welp, that's all I got for now. Back to my studies...~