Inspection

Sometimes it's really easy to get carried away with something that seems good. It crosses your path and it seems like it might be a really great thing. But often times, it is misleading and good judgement should always be made before setting your heart and mind on something. There are so many different kinds of people out there, it's important to know who you are and be able to discern whether or not people are trustworthy and good-hearted. We must inspect our relationships to make sure that they are good.

All relationships should do good for all that are involved, and should be aimed to glorify God. Whether it is between someone who knows Christ and doesn't know Christ, or between two Christians. In the first, the one who knows Christ can lead the other to Christ through living out the way Jesus lived. Then the friend will see what being in Christ is all about and perhaps will see the truth. That is my hope for my relationships with those who do not know Christ; I hope to be able to lead a good life, one that provokes them to think about why I believe in Christ and live the way I do. I hope that I will be able to glorify God through my relationships with those who do not know Him yet. Just being there to care for them, showing them God's love, maybe that's all they need.

If it is a relationship between two Christians, I would hope that they build each other up. Keep one another accountable and encourage each other. Spending time with each other, sharing hardships, and praying together are what makes relationships real. Knowing that you both are the same in that you strive to live the life that God has planned for us.

Then there are those relationships that are just harmful. They do not consist of truth and love. They are nothing but sharp rocks and cracks in the ground that try to keep you from growth. Those are the relationships that must be avoided.

Here are some tips from Proverbs 14

verse 6, "The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge comes easily to the discerning."

verse 10, " Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."

verse 12, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."

verse 13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief."

verse 15, " A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps."

verse 30, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

verse 31, "He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honours God."

verse 33, "Wisdom reposes int he heart of the discerning, and even among fools she* lets herself be known."


*"she" is referring to Lady Wisdom

Proverbs is filled with so much wisdom and knowledge. One really needs to take their time meditating to really see how it speaks to them.

Late Night

I read Proverbs 13 today! Yes, it's a bit late but I still read it :)

Today I woke up early to go get my passport done before work, since it opens 45 mins before I tell myself I should be at work, I got there, had some help from a custodian, and then it just opened so it was pretty empty with no line up. After I got that done, I ran to catch the bus. I missed it but I caught the next one and got to the terminal where I needed to switch busses. The bus i was supposed to catch was leaving! If I didn't get on then I'd be late for work! Thankfully, another lady was crossing the street just as the bus was coming, and the bus ha to stop to let her pass. Seizing the opportunity, I waved at the driver and he let me on :)  I got to work on time! God provides!

Get Organized!!!

Ah! I have a night alone and I found myself just lazing around. Eating and watching shows, listening to music and just surfing the web. Then I realized that I had a bunch of administrative things to do. I am always so slow with these things. I should really keep a "to do" list on my white board instead of guitar tabs that I will most likely never practice again until I one day suddenly really feel the urge to practice, or think to myself that  I am wasting my money and time not doing anything productive with my instruments. Sigh. Perhaps I will go do that now. I will do my laundry, clean my room, find all the information I need to fill out forms and to get them processed. I should also visit the mall to buy a few things, groceries, and drop off things at the post office. These seem like week-end chores, but seeing as I have a free and so-far-unproductive night, I might as well get a head start.

Here are some of the Proverbs from chapter 12 that stuck out to me today:

 "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 12:18

"There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace."

Proverbs 12:20

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."

Proverbs 12:25

"A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray."

Proverbs 12:26

"In the way of righteousness there is life, along that path is immortality."

Proverbs 12:28

Proverbs 12:26 especially stuck out to me because of the word "cautious". What does the author mean when he says that? I checked a different version on biblegateway.com and it said,

"The righteous choose their friends carefully,"

Hm... definitely something to think about. In the mean time, thinking about friendships brings me to this song.

Keep It At Bay

Just because it's working right now doesn't mean I have total control over it. Keep it where it is, don't let it change unless it's for the better.


I met up with a friend today that I haven't really talked to all term. It was really good. I had a gift certificate to this Indian place in the middle of nowhere and the food was really tasty. I am usually not a big fan of Indian food outside of tandoori chicken, samosas, curry, and butter chicken, but today I decided to try something new. It turned out to be a pretty good choice though. I had vegetable thali, which was just pretty much a "sample platter" of a few vegetable dishes with rice and nan. The restaurant was a bit pricey and the decor was very homey. It was worth it. I ended up paying $10 for both of our meals. We had good conversation despite the fact that I didn't know this person very well. I like how I was able to open up and share. =)



Proverbs 11 emphasizes the differences between the wicked and the righteous. I read it and verses 2 and 21 really come to remind me of the incident that I previously talked about.

Proverbs 2 says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

This is like when I was checking out at the grocery store, I thought that I was being really efficient with the self-checkout, knowing how it worked and quickly getting my purchases done so that the people in line could use it. But while I was thinking so highly of myself (as being so pro at using the self-checkout), I left my cash back behind. =( Talk about humility. Then I had to humble myself before I could see God's love for me.

I had to put behind my hateful thoughts towards the person who took my money, and realize Proverbs 21, which says,

"Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free."

Yup, what a relief. One less thing to burden myself with, and hatred is a very heavy thing. Ever since that experience, I'm quite sure I will be remembering this for a while. 

Just Wanna Say - Israel Houton

Dissension

Proverbs 10 is the start of the second half of the book of Proverbs. This contains all the proverbs in a poetic kind of structure. I'm still trying to think of how to best read this, but so far I am going to stick to reading one chapter a day. Each verse is a different proverb, but it feels like the underlying message of all the proverbs is the same. This chapter mostly talks about the differences between the wise and the simple, the righteous and the wicked, the diligent and the lazy, about what happens to them and why.

One of the words I had to look up was dissension, which means a 'disagreement leading to a quarrel', as dictionary.com suggests. This is in verse 12, "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs". I like this because of the way dictionary.com defines a quarrel; it says it is a 'temporary or permanent break in friendly relations'. I find this to be very true. When you don't like someone, you're bound to pick out the flaws and hurt them; whereas if you liked someone, you would look beyond their faults and still show love to them.


Unrelated blessing:

On Friday I went to my first prayer meeting (I couldn't go before because I was helping set up for fellowship which coincides in timing). I was glad that I went. My friend told us there was some difficulty in getting a visa into the country that Urbana will be held at and that it was pretty much impossible to convince the people who had the authority to grant this visa to arrange something. Then we all prayed in one voice, just specifically for this friend's problem, hoping that we'd all be able to go to Urbana without leaving anyone behind. Today, my friend was contacted by the visa people and they agreed to arrange an interview next week to talk about this visa application! Praise the Lord! We didn't think this was possible as the earliest time that the visa people told my friend was sometime in Feburary - way after the conference. I am so glad that our prayers for my friend were answered and that we were able to experience God working in our lives together. Our continual prayer is that the visa will be granted!

1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Amazed - Lincoln Brewster

Inspired

Whenever I listen to a song that sounds good, or catches my ear and gets stuck in my head, I'm always inclined to eventually check out the lyrics online and figure out what the song's really about. This song has been stuck in my head for the past few days; I'll let you know why in the next paragraph. When I checked out the lyrics, I realized that this song was talking about getting high and dreaming (it supposedly inspires creativity and makes you feel "real good"). I do not agree with the message of the song in this sense.

"I'm in the pursuit of happiness and I know, everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold" 

- Kid Cudi

To some extent, I believe this to be true. You  need to pursue goals in life to be happy. You need to pursue happiness. Pure joy comes from knowing God and from knowing that He is Love. When I think about pursuing happiness, I realize that a lot of things that I have started to choose to pursue has led me to undoubtful amounts of a whole new level of happiness - joy. That feeling that I am doing what I am made to do; that I am doing what my very soul is longing for.

It's crazy. I am so madly inspired right now. I just came home from a meeting for small group leaders. We talked about how to invite people to take next steps in the journey of faith and how to be there for them as they go through that process. We also talked about how God has been working in our lives these past few weeks. It was good. Let me start with my weekend. I would also like to note that I am drinking a really yummy minty tea, but I lost the label on it so I have no idea what it's called.

I went home with a few things on my agenda to accomplish; filling out my OSAP application, filling out my passport renewal application, and spending some time with my sister by watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and eating tropical ice cream. Here's what I ended up doing on Saturday; sleeping in until 1PM, going shopping with my mom, taking the passport photo, having family dinner, rushing to print passport documents,   going online shopping with my sister for the first time, and then falling asleep 40 mins into the movie. And Sunday; going to church, getting reminded about filling out some mission forms for Urbana, having lunch, failing to help my dad replace his headlights, helping put up Christmas lights, taking my dog out to pee, packing my bags, rushing to fill out all my forms, dropping off some forms, going back to Waterloo, going to the meeting, and then going home.

Going in to the meeting, I was so tired. I just wanted to go home. I was ready to hit the bed. Snore a bit, and then wake up tomorrow feeling super-charged and refreshed. Instead, I got really excited during the end of the meeting thinking about my future and what God has in store for me. Most of it is still unknown but from what I know, it's going to be amazing. Two weeks ago, this lady from the Chinese Ministry approached me after the English service. She is one of those ladies that have been at my church forever and has pretty much watched me grow up. Anyway, as she approached me, I thought she was going to say nice things and awe at how much I've grown - typical things older Asian women like to say to the younger people. I was right. She did say these things, but she before I could awkwardly squirm my way out of that conversation, she cut to the point, "I'm looking for some university students to go to China in July for missions and to teach English."

"Oh," I said.

"It's going to be for two weeks and we're looking for people who have musical talents so they can lead worship there." she continued.

So this week (two weeks later), I saw her again and I asked her more about the details and when I would have to let her know by. I told her about my situation: that the trip would be during my coop term and that the best case scenario would be that I find a job with the employer knowing that I would be taking two weeks off. She understood and told me that I could let her know sometime in the new year as it was still early. I also told her I would be going to Urbana, a global missions conference over the winter break. So I had a lot to think about. I told her I was definitely interested and was really glad that she had invited me to such an opportunity. 

I'm not quite sure what this has to do with my small group leaders' meeting, but I can just tell you that this was on my mind the whole time. My neighbour, who also attended the meeting walked me home. We talked about many things that were going on in the fellowship and I remember thinking to myself that I was really surprised at how much my neighbour had opened up to me. I always thought of my neighbour as a very quiet, kept to-self kind of person. I thought my neighbour was an introvert and wondered how it was possible to keep so many thoughts bottled up inside. Anyway, I was just also really inspired that I heard things that I never thought would come out of my neighbour's mouth. 

I think I've come to learn that when the subject is about God's work and how God is working, or maybe just God in general, the Spirit is present and can move people to say and experience things impossible without His presence. 

"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." 

- Matthew 18: 20

So for those out there who are reading this, please pray with me. 

Father, I just want to thank you so much for constantly showing me Your love, endless and overflowing. I thank you for inspiring me and for blessing me with a community that is so encouraging and generous in love. You never cease to amaze me when You reveal Your plans for my life. God, I know that You have called me to pursue you, and to live a life to glorify Your Name. I know that in return You have so much more to give me and that I just need to be willing and obedient to Your calling. As I am preparing to go to Urbana and thinking about going on missions to China, please guide me. I pray that these things are not only in my plans, but also in Yours. I pray that You will be with me always and that I will be strong to stay away from temptation. I pray that this fire I have for You will not be snuffed out. I know that following You isn't going to be easy but I pray that You carry me when I am feeling lost and that You continue to remind me of Your love and why I am here. I also want to pray for those around me; my family, my community here, my friends back home, and my readers. I pray that You watch over them and that they can also experience Your love and be inspired to follow and be willing to obey what awesome things You have planned for them. I pray that those who don't know You or have been hurt will not turn away and that their hearts be softened to hear the truth. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

In the Secret    Ephesians 1:18

Also, I read Proverbs 8 Friday night, and 9 Saturday. Proverbs 9 tells the difference between Lady Wisdom and a 'simple woman'.

"Let all who are simple come to my house!" To those who have no sense she says, "Come eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of insight." [...] For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

Proverbs 9:4-6 (Lady Wisdom speaking), 11

Folly is an unruly woman; she is simple and knows nothing. [...] "Let all who are simple come to my house!" To those who have no sense she says, "Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead.

Proverbs 9:13, 16-17 (simple woman speaking), 18

That Car Ride

Was the closest I had ever felt to you. I remember the night before, what our conversation was like because it was the first time I had ever had hopes that someone like you would open up to me. You offered me the chance to get to know you and help you by suggesting that we could keep each other accountable. I was so glad you asked and of course, I agreed.

Then when we were in your car driving somewhere (I do not remember where or why you had your car). I remember it being a little awkward for me as I didn't know how to bring it up. But I was glad that I did. I asked you about what you read and what it meant to you. You told me and then asked about what I read and got from it. And then you admitted something to me. I don't know what it was that you did, but I was glad that you could tell me. You told me you had done something bad and that you were really regretting it. I didn't push you to tell me more because I thought that this already took a lot of effort to say and maybe if I poked then you would just shrink away.

I still miss those times where we hung out even though it may not have been full of deep conversation. Sometimes, you can feel close to a person just by being in their company.



Proverbs 7 talks about guarding the teachings (the proverbs) just like how your body guards your pupils. It also illustrates how a prostitute seduces a young man, luring him into be with her while we husband is away. Then it ends, saying that young man who wasn't careful was oblivious that she was leading him "down to the chambers of death".

Crick in My Neck

This morning I woke up thinking that it was the weekend. I lay there in bed, looking up at the ceiling thinking about all the things I was going to do. Then I realized that it was actually Wednesday and that I had less than 10 minutes to get ready for work and get outta my door. It was sad. When I got off the bus, I felt pain in the back of my neck. I don't know why because I sleep in the same position every night - on my back (because I have back pain if I don't), so there couldn't have been any way that I hurt myself during the night.. could there? Anyway, it wore off after I had my breakfast. I feel like these are signs that I'm getting old. But I'm so young, I feel. People keep telling me that they think I'm a lot older. I guess they just don't see my crazy side haha.

Despite the fact that I woke up thinking, and painfully wishing that it was the weekend, I still oddly feel like this week is passing very quickly. It will already be Thursday in less than an hour! I can't wait to go home. I miss my family (and dog)! I need to go home and rest. I will recharge and watch a movie and catch up with my sister. It's funny how much closer I feel like I've become with my family since I left the city.

I never really thought about this much while growing up, but I remember that I watched a video of my friend and my friend's family all having fun together for their grandma's birthday. Everyone in the family; all the children, the adults, and the old people were all dancing and laughing together. I don't really understand why, but watching this video made me tear up and I think it's because I realized that this was something I didn't have - something that I had never got to experience and never will. As all of my grandparents have passed away and I had barely seen them, it didn't seem like I was missing out on much. But as my own parents start to grow older, I am slowly coming to realize that I do not know how to treat them. I don't know what they need or how I should prepare for their aging. Watching that video made me feel so lost as the only family I know are my immediate family and an aunt and uncle - those who moved to Canada. The rest, I know next to nothing about. I had always thought that it was normal. Whenever my friend told me about hanging out with grandparents I just thought of it as something boring, or an extra pair of eyes watching that no one gets into trouble. But as I watched how my friend's family interacted with each other (old people included), I started to get a sense that maybe old people do have a purpose and play an important role in family. Oh well. I guess my kids will know the feeling. That shall be good enough. This is such a new idea to me. That I didn't grow up in a "normal" family. I feel so weird to think like that. But I know that there was a reason for this and that God has yet to show me all He has planned for me. I think this is just one of those things I must work through with Him as I learn to be more mature. I think through this I am learning to love and cherish my family more. Not having grandparents is just a tiny crick that I have to work out of my neck instead of just letting it turn into a dull pain and getting used to it until I feel it no more.


I read Proverbs 6 today. It talks about being careful in promising somebody something that you might not be able to offer. It's the extreme end of generosity. Giving more than you should - when you are accidentally pushed or pressured into giving more than you have to give. The passage warns about "open-ended charity [where] the amount you must give and the timing are determined by circumstances beyond your control". It also makes an analogy to an ant - how it is diligent in storing food for the summer and gathering food at harvest, saying that we need to work and not be lazy in order to stay out of poverty.

Used to Do it Too - Lecrae

Growth Through Witness

I read Proverbs 5! It talks about staying away from adulterers and staying away from temptation.
Today I baked 12 tiny blueberry-strawberry pies that were a tad too watery. I didn't put enough cornstarch!!

Anyway, today was good. I got to share my story (For What It's Worth) with a friend at lunch. This friend was someone that I hadn't really talked to much and the conversation I had was very good. My friend talked about an experience doing missions in Bangladesh, and then we talked about what we wanted to do in the future. Then, I realized that the theme (lesson) for this term seems to be God telling me that He is in control and can change all situations into good ones. I am so blessed to be in a community full of supportive and encouraging people who grow together through witnessing God's work in our lives. 

Sleeping Beauty

I was watching this movie today, while doing some work on the side. I never really remembered watching this movie before, but watching it just now gives me a sense of familiarity - so that now I'm pretty sure I have seen it before.  It's funny because my friend showed me a video clip of the movie and I hadn't recognized anything, so I decided to watch it - thinking that I hadn't before.

I noticed something interesting during the part where the three good fairies are in Maleficent's dungeon, having just freed the prince of his chains. Upon freeing the prince from his chains, the fairies tell him,

"The road to true love may be barred by still many more dangers that you alone will have to face. So arm thyself with this enchanted shield of virtue and a mighty sword of truth! Now these weapons of righteousness will triumph over evil."

I like this quote because the fairy is telling the prince that there are some things that he has to deal with on his own. That being said, she gives him help; an "enchanted shield of virtue and a mighty sword of truth" - "weapons of righteousness"! This reminds me of Ephesians 6:10-18, which talks about the armour of God.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (NIV)

I like the parallels that I see. The prince is going against Maleficent in a battle between good and evil, just as we are going against the devil in that same battle. Although the specific types of armour reflect different things in each instance, they all represent the same things - characteristics that are needed in order to "triumph over evil". I am glad that the screenwriter(s) of this movie at Disney decided to use good characteristics instead of something superficial like good looks, or money, especially for children who wouldn't understand much of the dialogue anyway!


Today I read Proverbs 4. It talks about wisdom being supreme - that wisdom is worth more than anything, and that it is something we should always be seeking to gain. It also warns about staying away from evil people, and keeping your eyes and feet focused on a firm path. It tells us to keep the proverbs in our hearts, so that we can stay away and out of trouble.

For What It's Worth

Time is money. Money is spent, traded in for goods in return. Most of the time, these things are tangible. Some, may not be so tangible; gaining access to a concert, a show, for a wish from the wishing well, or education. Today, I lost money. It wasn't spent on anything tangible, or not tangible. It wasn't spent at all. It was lost.

I was having a great day; the weather was nice, I went to church, had a good lunch, and caught up with a friend. Then, I went to the mall, and found some great deals and purchased a few things. I was having a good time until I realized in cold sweat that I had forgotten to take my cash back at the grocery store. I ran back hoping that it might still be there, under the scanner in the self-checkout machine. It was gone. I had forgotten to take it earlier as the cash return slot was located beneath the scanner, out of my line of sight (and, I might add - this was poorly designed and it seems like there was a lack of human factors applied there) . I left the store thinking about which store to enter next, what kinds of things I wanted to check out, and how I might get home afterwards. I did not think about the money that I had left sitting behind at all.

It took me about an hour to realize what had happened. I was taking out my wallet to prepare to pay for my next purchase when I realized that it was empty of cash. All that was left were my receipts, and some cards. I talked with the attendant at the self-checkout machines and left her my contact information, although I was pretty sure that no one would return cold, hard cash. I was angry, frustrated, and bitter.

I was also supposed to meet my friend at a certain time, and I had missed the bus that would've taken me to meet my friend on time through this whole commotion . So I texted my friend saying that I would be late and that I had just lost $40.

$40. Forty dollars. That's about 3-4 hours of work in Canada, at minimum wage. An almost full tank of gas. A week or two's worth of groceries. Two month's worth of electricity (for me). Four movie tickets on a regular-priced, non-3D night. You get the point. It's a lot of money. That's what was running through my mind until my friend put things a different way.

"Just think of it as charity" 

My response was an angry one. A response made out of pure bitterness over my own actions. Frustration that I wanted to remove by taking the blame out on someone else. The someone who took my money. The someone who could have seen me leaving the store, leaving the cash behind, waiting for their chance to grab it. The someone who, perhaps, thought the machine accidentally gave them too much money and thought that it was the greatest thing that happened. The someone who didn't think that it was necessary to report it to the attendant. I was angry. I was bitter. I wanted my money back. I had slipped - forgotten to do something. The whole thing started with me. I was the stupid one. But the someone should have reported it!

"God knows"

Yes. He does. I didn't really see this, or read too much into what my friend was trying to say until this:

"they'll be judged on how they respond"

Truer words have never been said. Wow. Reading this completely changed my take on the whole situation. I thought about God. I thought about what my friend said earlier - "God knows". Wow, that is a truly powerful and freeing thing. To know that God is present, to know that God cares that I lost my money, to know that God loves me enough to show me through my friend, is the most joyful feeling I have ever felt this whole term. 

My eyes watered when I soaked in everything that was happening. God was working in my life, through my friend's empathy for me and through my friend's wise words. I am so blessed that God has given me such a good friend. He used our relationship to show me that I was wrong in the way that I felt about the person who took my money. He was so gentle, so loving and so kind. He met me where I was - in my anger and frustration, and flipped the switch in me. He made me stop hating myself for being so forgetful and clueless. He took all that was inside me at that moment, all the bad things, and replaced it with joy. Joy in knowing that God will take matters into His own hands. Joy in knowing that God will deal with whoever took my money. Joy in knowing that God loves me even through all those harsh negative feelings I had. Joy in knowing that I was forgiven for my sinful thoughts. Joy in knowing that my friend cared about me and that God is in control of my life. Always. I had joy. I didn't care anymore what happened to my $40. Everything that I had experienced suddenly seemed worth it. I no longer thought about what I could have done with that money. Instead, I felt that God had really made good use of that money. And then, I felt peace. 

http://youtu.be/aYyQHRtkU_g - We Will Run, Gungor

Also, I read Proverbs 3 today. =) 

Proverbs 2

Talks about the moral benefits of having wisdom; understanding what is right and wrong, saves and protects me from tempters, keeping me blameless and good.

Taken from http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%202&version=NIV



My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding—
3 indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;
    from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
7 He holds success in store for the upright,
    he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
8 for he guards the course of the just
    and protects the way of his faithful ones.
9 Then you will understand what is right and just
    and fair—every good path.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
    and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
11 Discretion will protect you,
    and understanding will guard you.
12 Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
    from men whose words are perverse,
13 who have left the straight paths
    to walk in dark ways,
14 who delight in doing wrong
    and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
15 whose paths are crooked
    and who are devious in their ways.
16 Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman,
    from the wayward woman with her seductive words,
17 who has left the partner of her youth
    and ignored the covenant she made before God.[a]
18 Surely her house leads down to death
    and her paths to the spirits of the dead.
19 None who go to her return
    or attain the paths of life.
20 Thus you will walk in the ways of the good
    and keep to the paths of the righteous.
21 For the upright will live in the land,
    and the blameless will remain in it;
22 but the wicked will be cut off from the land,
    and the unfaithful will be torn from it.

Coming Back to Earth

I've been living life without my brain, it seems. It's like I'm just going through the day doing routine things, not really focusing or thinking about what I am actually doing. Just like a machine. I've been like this throughout the entire term, it seems. It wasn't so bad at first. But as the term went on, it seems like it just built up and got worse, so that I started to actually feel and realize what was going on, as my friend pointed out.

How did I start noticing this? Well, I didn't care about what was going on. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on some of my conversations with others (not all the time, depending on the nature of the conversation and how deep it went). If it was interesting, I would be able to tune in easily and focus. If I didn't really care or wasn't interested, I usually am still able to keep the conversation going and make myself care and still actively participate in the conversation, but as the term went on, I got progressively worse at it. I would start to zone out and only reply minimally, and with very generic responses. Other behavior I noticed was that I wasn't sleeping enough, and it wasn't because I didn't have time, or was occupied. It was because I occupied myself. I would watch tv shows before I slept, and check my social networking sites for much longer than I should have. I would keep my mind busy until I eventually just crashed and fell asleep.

I need to snap out of it. I need to discipline myself more. Get the sleep I need. Stop checking social networking sites that will always be available for checking later. It's not the end of the world if I miss something in the virtual world. Whatever is on the internet will always be on the internet anyway.

Part of this waking up routine starts with God. I need to bring myself back to God. I need to read His word. I need to be more active in my spiritual journey, living day by day, instead of using long-term goals as an excuse to not pursue God in the short-term. I've been meeting up with a friend on a weekly basis this term, and he's been really helpful in listening to me and giving me an outlet to just say what I need to say so that I can process things. The advice I get from him is actually very legit, even though at the time that he says it to me I may not seem like I am processing it. But I am proud to say that I am! I feel bad because he doesn't think I really cared or took much of what he said into consideration, so I should probably thank him later.

Despite the fact that I have been slowly drifting away from this world metaphorically, I still managed to make intentional relationships with people and keep them. I have been trying to meet up with people on a weekly basis, and so far it has been good. I have learnt a lot from my conversations with them and I hope that I also contributed in their walk with Christ as well.

Nearing the end of my conversation with my friend today, he asked me if I have been keeping up with my "QTs". And I truthfully told him, no. As a matter of fact, I haven't really ever done them. I mean, aside from the occasional scripture passages or attempts to pull out random verses to write about, I haven't really set aside time to do daily devotionals. Reading scripture has never been my strong point, and for the longest time, I have been avoiding it. I made a lot of excuses and justifications as to why I didn't read the Bible on a daily basis. I never really accepted the fact that it would be beneficial. I didn't know how to read the Bible. When I tried to read the whole Bible, I eventually stopped somewhere in Joshua, where I just got too bored or something happened and I stopped reading. But today, I asked my friend how he did his "QTs". He told me that he would read Proverbs, and some other things.

So I thought about this. I opened my Bible. I flipped to the title page of Proverbs in my Bible. It is a student Bible. On the title page, it outlined how to read Proverbs, and gave a really good description of what it was written for, and pretty much gave me some general context. Basically, you were supposed to read from the first chapter (why didn't I think of that) and the first part of  Proverbs explains why it is important to have wisdom, and the purpose of Proverbs (the second portion, I guess). Then the second part of Proverbs actually contains the proverbs; they are little tidbits of wisdom all put into one book. Pretty practical isn't it? I'd say so. So I have a new goal: I am going to read Proverbs. A little bit every day. Then when I am done, I will learn how to read another book in the Bible, and work my way through the whole thing.

I feel like this will also benefit me in bringing me back to earth. Reading Proverbs will force myself to be alone in a quiet place. Then I will rid myself of any distractions (this laptop and my phone), and focus on the text in front of me. I will make use of the study notes provided to me by the study Bible. It is time to snap out of this daze I've been tempted into. I will plug myself back into God, and live an active and full life as He has intended for me, no matter how long it takes to do so. Please pray for me.


I am going to start posting everyday, to keep myself accountable for reading through Proverbs. This will also help to track my journey in coming back my life.  I think I am starting to grasp what it really means to make God the centre of my life.

http://youtu.be/WKuuScgnlDE - Centre of my Life, Hillsong

Chorus:

Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song

You Belong Somewhere

By Joanne Baik 

http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/7064765

You think to yourself in this world
That you are all alone
Taking any hand you can find
To feel like you belong somewhere some time

Trust takes so long to build
Yet can crash down in a second or two
Why can't love just last in this place
and hold you

Sin has captured the hearts of this world ~Oh
We need our eyes uncovered by your Truth
Why are we so lost in what we do
Please turn us around and help us to understand

Only in Christ there lies something different
Something that can stir our hearts
Only in Christ we find something permanent
(Last time: "We find something PERFECT)
A place we can call our own and we say we belong somewhere

If you keep searching in this world
You will never find Something that satisfies you
And something that'll keep you alive

Which Way Are You Headed?

Friendship is a two way street. Say if my friend and I are ten kilometers apart, if we each both walked 5 km, we'd both be putting in the same amount of effort it takes to finally meet, an that's be ideal. But sometimes, it feels like I'm the only one walking. Then the 10 kilometers just drag on and it seems like I'll never get there. What if when I finally get 10km, I find that my friend has left and walked the other way, away from me? At what point should I stop walking and wasting my time and efforts? How can I be sure that my friend even wants me to eventually meet them?

Excuse after excuse. I'm the only one seeking to meet up. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in  how often I ask to meet. An I expecting too much? Is there jut a natural reason for why we don't see each other as much anymore?

This song expresses how I'm feeling right now, although in a slightly different context .

Shades of Black - Adele

Tell the World

http://youtu.be/Yc8x33lAnAk - Lecrae

I decided to start using Grooveshark.com to stream music at work today, since my boss told me it was a good site and I've seen other people use it too. It was good. I stumbled upon a playlist made for rap & hip hop, which was what I felt like listening to. I didn't pay much attention to the lyrics at first, but then I heard words like; sacrifice, Jesus, thank you, etc. So I started listening to the words, and I realized that I was listening to Christian rap. Pretty cool!! I know this existed before, but I was surprised at how God met me at my workplace. =)

Lyrics here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/lecrae/tell+the+world_21034627.html

Songbird

I went to a wedding two weeks ago. It was so cute. The bride was so pretty and her groom teared up when they exchanged wedding vows. As the bridal party came in, we could just hear the pianist playing. Then when the bride came in, my friend started singing this song. She has such a lovely voice. I love how she sang it her way and in my opinion, I think it sounded better hehehe.
The audio is here: http://youtu.be/xB1JhimGyT0 , please excuse the bad quality! I didn't have time to make it better.


For you, there'll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right

To you, I'll give the world
to you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before. [in the link, she ends the song by singing this line again]

And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.