Coming Back to Earth

I've been living life without my brain, it seems. It's like I'm just going through the day doing routine things, not really focusing or thinking about what I am actually doing. Just like a machine. I've been like this throughout the entire term, it seems. It wasn't so bad at first. But as the term went on, it seems like it just built up and got worse, so that I started to actually feel and realize what was going on, as my friend pointed out.

How did I start noticing this? Well, I didn't care about what was going on. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on some of my conversations with others (not all the time, depending on the nature of the conversation and how deep it went). If it was interesting, I would be able to tune in easily and focus. If I didn't really care or wasn't interested, I usually am still able to keep the conversation going and make myself care and still actively participate in the conversation, but as the term went on, I got progressively worse at it. I would start to zone out and only reply minimally, and with very generic responses. Other behavior I noticed was that I wasn't sleeping enough, and it wasn't because I didn't have time, or was occupied. It was because I occupied myself. I would watch tv shows before I slept, and check my social networking sites for much longer than I should have. I would keep my mind busy until I eventually just crashed and fell asleep.

I need to snap out of it. I need to discipline myself more. Get the sleep I need. Stop checking social networking sites that will always be available for checking later. It's not the end of the world if I miss something in the virtual world. Whatever is on the internet will always be on the internet anyway.

Part of this waking up routine starts with God. I need to bring myself back to God. I need to read His word. I need to be more active in my spiritual journey, living day by day, instead of using long-term goals as an excuse to not pursue God in the short-term. I've been meeting up with a friend on a weekly basis this term, and he's been really helpful in listening to me and giving me an outlet to just say what I need to say so that I can process things. The advice I get from him is actually very legit, even though at the time that he says it to me I may not seem like I am processing it. But I am proud to say that I am! I feel bad because he doesn't think I really cared or took much of what he said into consideration, so I should probably thank him later.

Despite the fact that I have been slowly drifting away from this world metaphorically, I still managed to make intentional relationships with people and keep them. I have been trying to meet up with people on a weekly basis, and so far it has been good. I have learnt a lot from my conversations with them and I hope that I also contributed in their walk with Christ as well.

Nearing the end of my conversation with my friend today, he asked me if I have been keeping up with my "QTs". And I truthfully told him, no. As a matter of fact, I haven't really ever done them. I mean, aside from the occasional scripture passages or attempts to pull out random verses to write about, I haven't really set aside time to do daily devotionals. Reading scripture has never been my strong point, and for the longest time, I have been avoiding it. I made a lot of excuses and justifications as to why I didn't read the Bible on a daily basis. I never really accepted the fact that it would be beneficial. I didn't know how to read the Bible. When I tried to read the whole Bible, I eventually stopped somewhere in Joshua, where I just got too bored or something happened and I stopped reading. But today, I asked my friend how he did his "QTs". He told me that he would read Proverbs, and some other things.

So I thought about this. I opened my Bible. I flipped to the title page of Proverbs in my Bible. It is a student Bible. On the title page, it outlined how to read Proverbs, and gave a really good description of what it was written for, and pretty much gave me some general context. Basically, you were supposed to read from the first chapter (why didn't I think of that) and the first part of  Proverbs explains why it is important to have wisdom, and the purpose of Proverbs (the second portion, I guess). Then the second part of Proverbs actually contains the proverbs; they are little tidbits of wisdom all put into one book. Pretty practical isn't it? I'd say so. So I have a new goal: I am going to read Proverbs. A little bit every day. Then when I am done, I will learn how to read another book in the Bible, and work my way through the whole thing.

I feel like this will also benefit me in bringing me back to earth. Reading Proverbs will force myself to be alone in a quiet place. Then I will rid myself of any distractions (this laptop and my phone), and focus on the text in front of me. I will make use of the study notes provided to me by the study Bible. It is time to snap out of this daze I've been tempted into. I will plug myself back into God, and live an active and full life as He has intended for me, no matter how long it takes to do so. Please pray for me.


I am going to start posting everyday, to keep myself accountable for reading through Proverbs. This will also help to track my journey in coming back my life.  I think I am starting to grasp what it really means to make God the centre of my life.

http://youtu.be/WKuuScgnlDE - Centre of my Life, Hillsong

Chorus:

Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song