I met up with somebody today, with the possibility in my head that my relationship with this person would end. Actually, I was pretty much going into it thinking that it just might end.
Sometimes I feel a tug in my heart, a haunting in my mind, a strong push that there is something I must do. It won't leave me alone. I try to reason it out, I try to push it to the back of my mind, but it still somehow always manages to resurface. That's what it felt like today. There was something that needed to be said, something that I needed to do. For me, for the other party, and if possible, for others around us.
I talked about giving up a few posts ago. I gave up on love. I gave up on trying to love. I threw my hands up in the air and told God that I couldn't do it. But today, He showed me I was right and that I was wrong. I was right that I couldn't do it on my own. But I was wrong to give up. Giving up like I did, and believing that I could not make a change was just me running away from my fears. It was me not having enough confidence in myself and in God. It was me telling God that I was the wrong person and that I didn't believe in His power to change hearts.
So I prayed. On my way to meet this person, I prayed. I asked for patience and understanding, and that I would be able to speak with love and clarity. I also prayed for the opportunity to bring it up. He provided. He gave me the chance to talk about my issues, and I was able to be honest yet speak without lashing out or raising my voice. In the end, I was able to say pretty much everything on my mind, and hear what this person had to say for themselves. I realized that this was going to be a very difficult process but I saw hope in that this person wasn't totally closed to change.
Being able to speak honestly and let out the things that have burdened my heart over the past year was very therapeutic and refreshing. I was also able to see where I could have been stronger in speaking truthfully and that I should have acted earlier. However, all is not lost. We all make mistakes and the only thing we can do is to learn from them and not make them again.
Here are some verses from Proverbs 18 that I read today,
verses 1-2, "An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgement. A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions."
verse 8, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."
verse 10, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."
verses 13-14, "He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame. A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?"
verse 24, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Bygones - Blackstreet
Sometimes I feel a tug in my heart, a haunting in my mind, a strong push that there is something I must do. It won't leave me alone. I try to reason it out, I try to push it to the back of my mind, but it still somehow always manages to resurface. That's what it felt like today. There was something that needed to be said, something that I needed to do. For me, for the other party, and if possible, for others around us.
I talked about giving up a few posts ago. I gave up on love. I gave up on trying to love. I threw my hands up in the air and told God that I couldn't do it. But today, He showed me I was right and that I was wrong. I was right that I couldn't do it on my own. But I was wrong to give up. Giving up like I did, and believing that I could not make a change was just me running away from my fears. It was me not having enough confidence in myself and in God. It was me telling God that I was the wrong person and that I didn't believe in His power to change hearts.
So I prayed. On my way to meet this person, I prayed. I asked for patience and understanding, and that I would be able to speak with love and clarity. I also prayed for the opportunity to bring it up. He provided. He gave me the chance to talk about my issues, and I was able to be honest yet speak without lashing out or raising my voice. In the end, I was able to say pretty much everything on my mind, and hear what this person had to say for themselves. I realized that this was going to be a very difficult process but I saw hope in that this person wasn't totally closed to change.
Being able to speak honestly and let out the things that have burdened my heart over the past year was very therapeutic and refreshing. I was also able to see where I could have been stronger in speaking truthfully and that I should have acted earlier. However, all is not lost. We all make mistakes and the only thing we can do is to learn from them and not make them again.
Here are some verses from Proverbs 18 that I read today,
verses 1-2, "An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgement. A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions."
verse 8, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."
verse 10, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."
verses 13-14, "He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame. A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?"
verse 24, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Bygones - Blackstreet
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