Lately I've been so occupied with work and trying to see everyone before I go that I haven't been thinking much about what comes after for me. I mean, I know about long-term goals and other things like that but I managed to forget about my wisdom teeth surgery. It hit me a bit stronger today, that in 5 days, I would be sitting in the dental chair, waiting for some anesthesia to kick in. Great.
I'm not actually so much worried about feeling the pain. I was more afraid of the IV drip they're going to put in me and blacking out. I get really queasy just thinking about taking blood out or internal body parts moving around and such. That stuff just makes me feel sick. I know it's all psychological, but my knees and the blood that has stopped circulating in my legs seem to tell me that it's real. I just really hope that it's not so bad as my imagination is making it and at worst it'll only be 5 seconds before I black out anyway right?
Now for the real thing - what if I don't come back?
I met up with a friend for lunch today, and that's when I accidentally blurted out some stupid fact that some people don't wake up. I do not know why I thought it was such a great thing to say at that time. Seriously. Why do I scare myself like that? It's a possibility. Sometimes the people who are operating on you give you too much of something (I have no biology background... so please excuse my lack of words) and you might go into too deep of a sleep or something. I have no idea. I just know that some people never wake up.
So I thought about it. What if I don't wake up? What will it be like when I'm knocked out? At first, I was pretty certain that I would be coming back. Not to sound presumptuous, but I don't feel like my purpose on earth has been fulfilled yet - I feel that it's not my time yet. But then what do I know, so maybe God will take me away. So I was pretty sure that I would come back. Most people do. Most.
Then I remembered something my friend told me, you can read about it here. It was pretty much a miracle story that happened to him. He went into a coma, and then basically was given instructions by a "bright figure" to dig through the clouds he was standing on to go back to his earthly home. A few days later, he woke up from his coma. It's even more amazing because his mom told me that the doctors said that there was a very high chance he wouldn't wake up, and even if he did - he would lose the ability to speak. But he woke up and he could speak.
So I was pretty excited about that. I want to experience something like that first hand too. Maybe when I blackout I will see a "bright figure" and that'd be really cool. I wonder what it would say to me. I wonder what I would do. Would I have my own cloud to dig through?
But what if I had the choice; to go back to earth or to come home to be in heaven with God? For some reason, that thought comforts me. Even if I do not wake up, I will be with God - and wouldn't that be something. But no worries, I will choose to come back if such a decision is given to me. I promised my friend I would.
Although I feel like I have a lot of things I want to accomplish before I leave, I also feel like maybe it's not so bad. Somebody else can take my place. So either way, it won't be bad. I'm pretty happy right now, even though I'm really stressed out with work, I know that I have family and friends that love me, a God who has control over everything, and I'm just really at peace. If I don't wake up, that's okay. If I do, then there will be more things for me to do and experience - which will be cool too. So it's really all in God's hands.
It just scares me because this will be one time in my life where I will have absolutely no control over anything. I won't even be able to think, or see it happen. If I die, I die. I won't see a knife or bullet in my chest, I won't feel pain, I won't even know that I'm about to die. It'll just happen when I'm already blacked out. Asleep, forever... or until someone special comes to wake me up. hehehe. just kidding.
Anyway, this will be a good opportunity to put my faith in Christ, to know that He has control over everything and since there is nothing I can do, I shouldn't worry. Today I thought of this, "things always go according to plan, it just depends on whose". It is not my will, but God's will whether or not I will wake up.
In essence, these are my final thoughts for now: if I wake up, great. If I get the choice to come back, I will. My friend at lunch told me that it seems that a lot of people who have had experiences where they blackout and remember what happened (usually they don't remember) had the choice whether or not they wanted to come back. They came back because they held on to life, and didn't give up. So if I get there, I won't give up either. I won't let go. If I don't have that choice and I don't wake up - thank you for everyone who has been part of my life. Thank you for all the experiences, life lessons, and times we spent together. I'm really happy and really glad to have made all the friendships I have, and I don't want anyone to be sad if I don't come back. We will all one day meet again, and it'll be a real big party.
Also, please pray for me, that it won't hurt too much if I wake up. Haha. I think my pain tolerance is pretty good, everything just becomes dull and null after a while. But anyway, please pray for a quick recovery and that there won't be any complications! I want to be able to eat and play!
Waiting Here For You - Christy Nockels
Some things from what I read in Proverbs 26 today...
Verse 17, "Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own."
Verse 20, "Without wood a afire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."
I'm not actually so much worried about feeling the pain. I was more afraid of the IV drip they're going to put in me and blacking out. I get really queasy just thinking about taking blood out or internal body parts moving around and such. That stuff just makes me feel sick. I know it's all psychological, but my knees and the blood that has stopped circulating in my legs seem to tell me that it's real. I just really hope that it's not so bad as my imagination is making it and at worst it'll only be 5 seconds before I black out anyway right?
Now for the real thing - what if I don't come back?
I met up with a friend for lunch today, and that's when I accidentally blurted out some stupid fact that some people don't wake up. I do not know why I thought it was such a great thing to say at that time. Seriously. Why do I scare myself like that? It's a possibility. Sometimes the people who are operating on you give you too much of something (I have no biology background... so please excuse my lack of words) and you might go into too deep of a sleep or something. I have no idea. I just know that some people never wake up.
So I thought about it. What if I don't wake up? What will it be like when I'm knocked out? At first, I was pretty certain that I would be coming back. Not to sound presumptuous, but I don't feel like my purpose on earth has been fulfilled yet - I feel that it's not my time yet. But then what do I know, so maybe God will take me away. So I was pretty sure that I would come back. Most people do. Most.
Then I remembered something my friend told me, you can read about it here. It was pretty much a miracle story that happened to him. He went into a coma, and then basically was given instructions by a "bright figure" to dig through the clouds he was standing on to go back to his earthly home. A few days later, he woke up from his coma. It's even more amazing because his mom told me that the doctors said that there was a very high chance he wouldn't wake up, and even if he did - he would lose the ability to speak. But he woke up and he could speak.
So I was pretty excited about that. I want to experience something like that first hand too. Maybe when I blackout I will see a "bright figure" and that'd be really cool. I wonder what it would say to me. I wonder what I would do. Would I have my own cloud to dig through?
But what if I had the choice; to go back to earth or to come home to be in heaven with God? For some reason, that thought comforts me. Even if I do not wake up, I will be with God - and wouldn't that be something. But no worries, I will choose to come back if such a decision is given to me. I promised my friend I would.
Although I feel like I have a lot of things I want to accomplish before I leave, I also feel like maybe it's not so bad. Somebody else can take my place. So either way, it won't be bad. I'm pretty happy right now, even though I'm really stressed out with work, I know that I have family and friends that love me, a God who has control over everything, and I'm just really at peace. If I don't wake up, that's okay. If I do, then there will be more things for me to do and experience - which will be cool too. So it's really all in God's hands.
It just scares me because this will be one time in my life where I will have absolutely no control over anything. I won't even be able to think, or see it happen. If I die, I die. I won't see a knife or bullet in my chest, I won't feel pain, I won't even know that I'm about to die. It'll just happen when I'm already blacked out. Asleep, forever... or until someone special comes to wake me up. hehehe. just kidding.
Anyway, this will be a good opportunity to put my faith in Christ, to know that He has control over everything and since there is nothing I can do, I shouldn't worry. Today I thought of this, "things always go according to plan, it just depends on whose". It is not my will, but God's will whether or not I will wake up.
In essence, these are my final thoughts for now: if I wake up, great. If I get the choice to come back, I will. My friend at lunch told me that it seems that a lot of people who have had experiences where they blackout and remember what happened (usually they don't remember) had the choice whether or not they wanted to come back. They came back because they held on to life, and didn't give up. So if I get there, I won't give up either. I won't let go. If I don't have that choice and I don't wake up - thank you for everyone who has been part of my life. Thank you for all the experiences, life lessons, and times we spent together. I'm really happy and really glad to have made all the friendships I have, and I don't want anyone to be sad if I don't come back. We will all one day meet again, and it'll be a real big party.
Also, please pray for me, that it won't hurt too much if I wake up. Haha. I think my pain tolerance is pretty good, everything just becomes dull and null after a while. But anyway, please pray for a quick recovery and that there won't be any complications! I want to be able to eat and play!
Waiting Here For You - Christy Nockels
Some things from what I read in Proverbs 26 today...
Verse 17, "Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own."
Verse 20, "Without wood a afire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."
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