I have an obsession. Sometimes it can be a good thing, but sometimes it can be very deadly. I have an unhealthy obsession with fixing things. I realized that I can be very easily distressed or feel very unsettled if something is broken, or if there is an unsolved issue.
I am naturally a problem solver. A problem can stay with me for a long time, like a thorn in my side, constantly alerting me that something needs to be done. I need to fix it. I need to find a solution. I need things to be right again. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time letting go of people in my life. It used to be good. That's how things always start. You buy a bowl and it's perfectly round. But after a while it gets cracks in it, and you have to throw it out because it is no longer useful and will only take up space in your shelf. You can't use the bowl anymore, and you can't fix it. You just need to toss it out to make room for a new bowl.
That's what I need to do, but I can't seem to do it. Although this person has hurt me and doesn't seem to want to do anything about it or fix our relationship, something is still holding me back. Friendship requires the active participation of both people, and in this case, I'm the only one that's still participating. Sometimes it's okay to leave things broken because they can not be fixed. Maybe one day this person will decide to participate again, and I will not refuse them, but it may take a while.
I just need some space. Some time to heal and ask God to help me. I can only change myself, and the best thing for me to do right now is to just let go and let God take over. I'm not the potter that made the bowl, nor do I have the tools to fix it. So I should just take the bowl, and put it aside, maybe I won't throw it out, but I'll leave it outside. I need to learn when to try to fix things, and when trying is not the best solution. Sometimes the solution is to just let it be.
I thought that I had mostly friends that are males, but I feel like that's not really true. I look and I realize that I have avoided being friends with females because I always ended up hanging out with the ones that end up hurting me. Maybe that's also why I wanted to be a boy. Boys were just easier to be around and didn't cause so much emotional turmoil and drama. I didn't want to be one of those people who caused so much pain to others, but I shouldn't discriminate between genders. Everyone is capable of hurting someone else and maybe I've only known the females that hurt me so I think that all females are like that. Then I have to hope that I'm not and then it gets messy. Maybe I should just make space for a new bowl, some new friends that will treat me well and not hurt me. I have recently started to know some really nice and cool female friends, and perhaps I just need to be more open to letting them into my life. Sometimes it's good to throw away the things that don't help us grow and make space for other good things.
Acts 19&20 read.
I am naturally a problem solver. A problem can stay with me for a long time, like a thorn in my side, constantly alerting me that something needs to be done. I need to fix it. I need to find a solution. I need things to be right again. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time letting go of people in my life. It used to be good. That's how things always start. You buy a bowl and it's perfectly round. But after a while it gets cracks in it, and you have to throw it out because it is no longer useful and will only take up space in your shelf. You can't use the bowl anymore, and you can't fix it. You just need to toss it out to make room for a new bowl.
That's what I need to do, but I can't seem to do it. Although this person has hurt me and doesn't seem to want to do anything about it or fix our relationship, something is still holding me back. Friendship requires the active participation of both people, and in this case, I'm the only one that's still participating. Sometimes it's okay to leave things broken because they can not be fixed. Maybe one day this person will decide to participate again, and I will not refuse them, but it may take a while.
I just need some space. Some time to heal and ask God to help me. I can only change myself, and the best thing for me to do right now is to just let go and let God take over. I'm not the potter that made the bowl, nor do I have the tools to fix it. So I should just take the bowl, and put it aside, maybe I won't throw it out, but I'll leave it outside. I need to learn when to try to fix things, and when trying is not the best solution. Sometimes the solution is to just let it be.
I thought that I had mostly friends that are males, but I feel like that's not really true. I look and I realize that I have avoided being friends with females because I always ended up hanging out with the ones that end up hurting me. Maybe that's also why I wanted to be a boy. Boys were just easier to be around and didn't cause so much emotional turmoil and drama. I didn't want to be one of those people who caused so much pain to others, but I shouldn't discriminate between genders. Everyone is capable of hurting someone else and maybe I've only known the females that hurt me so I think that all females are like that. Then I have to hope that I'm not and then it gets messy. Maybe I should just make space for a new bowl, some new friends that will treat me well and not hurt me. I have recently started to know some really nice and cool female friends, and perhaps I just need to be more open to letting them into my life. Sometimes it's good to throw away the things that don't help us grow and make space for other good things.
Acts 19&20 read.
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