Obligations and responsibilities grow as you age. You get older, you have more things to take care of, more things to deal with and decisions to make. I always feel like I have to do something, or I should do something. I always know. I always know how I should be, or what I should be doing. Not in crises or anything like that, but I mean in terms of following the flow of life.
I have this sense of obligation that if I have received something from someone, I would like to give something back to them somehow. Or if someone has taken the time to do something for me or spent time with me, I would feel obliged (and want to) do something nice back for them, or spend more time with them. My friends keep telling me that I should just do what I want to do and to stop forcing myself to do things that I think I should be doing. I have no idea why I am like that. I just feel like I'm not doing 100% if I don't.
If I do something that I care about, then I go at it with all I've got. I put my 100% into it or else I wouldn't feel like it's worth it, or that I made it worth it. I feel like I'm an extremist. I go one way and then something happens and then I go the other way. Maybe I just don't know how to balance. I used to worry a lot about everything. Then many people told me that I thought too much about the "what ifs" and should just do it instead of thinking of all the endless negative possibilities. Then apparently I took that too seriously and didn't care enough, and just thought whatever. Now I'm back on the spectrum more towards worrying more and caring too much. -_-
Life is a cycle. That's why they call it a life cycle, isn't it? I go through life with one attitude, then something changes it, and then the wheel spins and I start attacking life in another attitude. Hopefully one day I can find a balance and not be such a crazy person.
But what is being crazy? It seems like crazy is where all the fun is at. That's where I am right now. I need to be more excited about things, be more passionate about day to day living until I get to where I want to be, where I will be able to do what I feel would be my life goal. Until I get to start working on that, I need to motivate myself somehow and not feel like I'm forcing myself to do something just because I know it's good for me. I should want to do what's good for me and enjoy it. Go riding the waves of excitement...
http://youtu.be/QLQ0C_MSVLY
Job 15, 16, 17
Who knows, maybe I just need to be alone. That's what this term seems to be about. Really taking the time to spend time on my own. Do my own thing, get my life together. Study like mad, get to know my program friends, try to keep my friendships I've made last term. I was told that winter terms were gloomy and suck the happy out of you. Perhaps that is what's happening. I am usually pretty happy and optimistic - not that I'm not right now, but I guess I'm just feeling the blues. Just don't feel like going out there tomorrow and making friends. I feel like tomorrow should be just a day for me to be with me. Tomorrow's an introvert day, but I guess I'll be doing not that. hah.
I watched "The Tourist" today. Good movie, love Johnny Depp.
I have this sense of obligation that if I have received something from someone, I would like to give something back to them somehow. Or if someone has taken the time to do something for me or spent time with me, I would feel obliged (and want to) do something nice back for them, or spend more time with them. My friends keep telling me that I should just do what I want to do and to stop forcing myself to do things that I think I should be doing. I have no idea why I am like that. I just feel like I'm not doing 100% if I don't.
If I do something that I care about, then I go at it with all I've got. I put my 100% into it or else I wouldn't feel like it's worth it, or that I made it worth it. I feel like I'm an extremist. I go one way and then something happens and then I go the other way. Maybe I just don't know how to balance. I used to worry a lot about everything. Then many people told me that I thought too much about the "what ifs" and should just do it instead of thinking of all the endless negative possibilities. Then apparently I took that too seriously and didn't care enough, and just thought whatever. Now I'm back on the spectrum more towards worrying more and caring too much. -_-
Life is a cycle. That's why they call it a life cycle, isn't it? I go through life with one attitude, then something changes it, and then the wheel spins and I start attacking life in another attitude. Hopefully one day I can find a balance and not be such a crazy person.
But what is being crazy? It seems like crazy is where all the fun is at. That's where I am right now. I need to be more excited about things, be more passionate about day to day living until I get to where I want to be, where I will be able to do what I feel would be my life goal. Until I get to start working on that, I need to motivate myself somehow and not feel like I'm forcing myself to do something just because I know it's good for me. I should want to do what's good for me and enjoy it. Go riding the waves of excitement...
http://youtu.be/QLQ0C_MSVLY
Job 15, 16, 17
Who knows, maybe I just need to be alone. That's what this term seems to be about. Really taking the time to spend time on my own. Do my own thing, get my life together. Study like mad, get to know my program friends, try to keep my friendships I've made last term. I was told that winter terms were gloomy and suck the happy out of you. Perhaps that is what's happening. I am usually pretty happy and optimistic - not that I'm not right now, but I guess I'm just feeling the blues. Just don't feel like going out there tomorrow and making friends. I feel like tomorrow should be just a day for me to be with me. Tomorrow's an introvert day, but I guess I'll be doing not that. hah.
I watched "The Tourist" today. Good movie, love Johnny Depp.
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