Your Love Never Fails - Jesus Culture =) <3 that song. i'll post the link at the end of this post.
I haven't had time to blog about what happened on Saturday - lots.
it started terribly. sometime at night, after 12am... my dog decided that it would be a great idea to climb onto my bed and sleep with me. so i let her, and being the loving person i am, i wanted to sleep while hugging her, so i grabbed her and then just like hugged her sleeping. lol but she struggled and didn't want to sleep with me =( so she squirmed out of my grasp and scratched my face in the process.... lol.... then i got up, & went to the washroom to check it out. it was a pretty big scratch, in terms of length, starting from a little to the side of my mouth to my neck.... and it wasn't bleeding profusely, no. just clogging at the seam. i got some polysporin from my parent's room and put some on.. then i had to use three giant sized bandages to cover it to prevent myself from touching it, or my dog licking it. i was too tired to worry about this, because i was going to be filming an interview later that day... lol and now i have a scratch...
then the next morning, i woke up and before anyone saw, i peeled off the bandages and checked out the cut - not too bad, but just really visible still. my dad was bugging me to quickly get downstairs and have breakfast, as he needed to drive me to my friend's house to do a group project... when i came down , he saw the scratch... and he just asked me what happened, and seemed genuinely concerned.
went to friend's house... worked on project... got picked up by parents.... went to eat dimsum...
and this is where it gets worse.......... my dad drops my mom and i off to get seats at the restaurant first... and my mom notices my healing scar.. she asked me what happened, and i told her.. and then she got really pissed off at me.. and started yelling at me - inside the restaurant. about how i was going on tv and i had to choose this day to get marked up on my face. i guess she could have been concerned for my well being.. lol in some hidden way. but her tone was so hostile, and she was so loud, the people in the tables beside us were staring...... and then i was trying so hard to keep calm, and not lash out at her in profanity or rude words. she made me sit really close next to her, and she kept spitting at me, and in my food.. and i was so disturbed (because im a germophobe already) and i felt so trampled on.. that i really wanted to move away. so i did.. i moved slightly away and she got even more incensed.. and made me move back. so i did.. and then i didnt want to eat because i was so grossed out.. so i just waited for my dad to come.. the wait wasn't too long, but it was enough to cause damage. like. i dont know what to think of her. i want to think positively of my own mother, but why does it seem so hard? why doesn't she understand? why. doesn't she understand that i didnt want for my face to get scratched up? did she think i tried to get my dog to scratch me the day before filming? really? is she that obsessed with "face", that she doesnt even care to ask me if it hurt, or to get me ointment or something. or any question of concern. nothing. all she wanted, was for her dream to be realized through me. she always talked about how she wanted to see me in the newspapers one day, so she could brag about it to her friends. what if i was in the news because i died a horrible accident? would she brag then? so what if i got a bit scratched? why does my appearance matter? of all people, she should understand that as christians we're not supposed to care about what this messed up world thinks of us, especially since what we stand for is against so many people. why is she so caught up in face? our appearances mean nothing to us. in a few years, we'll all look old and ugly. but life goes on. this is not important. and it was an accident. so obviously, i didnt mean for it to happen, and well what ever happens happens right? deal with it. we can't go back in time to fix it. so why did she have to make me feel unworthy of her love? she never cared about my appearance. why does she care now, that i'm going to be on tv?? huh? is it because now, she can't boast to her friends? because they'll see how messed up my face is? it's not even that bad. but still. why does she care so much. it pains me. i want to know that she loves me. i want to know that she does care about me, somewhere deep down. i want to believe it when she tells me that she loves me. i want to be able to tell her i love her back without feeling forced, or like a fake. ughhhhhhhhhas.dsajdslkdja.kdsjdskldjskd. im fighting, im fighting. im fighting satan's temptation to just give in and break down. to just crumble and let her words pierce me. to fall into pieces that noone loves me. ughr.sakdjsalkdj get out..... it doesnt help, and wont change anything if i do. and plus, i have God - and He loves me more than anyone. and He will help me to get through this....... even if it will take a long time.
ok getting back to my day.. so before she could make me cry or anything, my dad came, and she started trying to continue........ trashing me, telling him not to let me go out (not that i do, or have anything to do with what happened...lol..) but then she saw some of her friends from church (thank God), who she waved over to sit with us. then she tried to tell them what happened so that they could back her up and stuff, but good thing they knew not to do that. lol, and so they saved me. oh goodness. another answered prayer. so i just tried not to think about it for the rest of the dimsum.. oh man i love that lady =) . she told my mom that it was nothing, they could cover it up with make up and like she made light of the situation to my mom (which i was already initially "light" about, until my mom saw me). sigh.
then i'll just skip to the good part. lol, nothing interesting or good happened next anyway.... until
my band mate picked me up from home, and then we went to look for the fairchild tv station.. then we looked around at the set, and got our make up done, and everyone there was just like concerned about my scratch, and made light of the situation lol and like maybe because they arent family? so it'd be really mean/rude to say something like that anyway. so idk maybe it was my mom's job to say the mean things lol although i could have totally done without. but the make up lady did an amazing job, and you couldn't even notice the cut, which was what i told my mom, even though she didnt seem to care. we filmed the thing, and i was so nervous lol when it was my turn to answer a question, i started it okay. and then there were some phrases/words i didnt know in chinese.. so i just went "euhhh.." and then i laughed. lol and then yeah the host just tried to help me phew. so it was pretty good overall.. i hope. haha. it airs end of may, so we'll see then!
after we filmed it, we explored the building lol and took pictures posing as the news broadcasters for the chinese news at their set. lol it was the best part of the day i'd say. haha. =) we all went out to eat and chat. good times...
then some people left, and it was just my 3 band mates and i, so we all went in one car and went shopping at yorkdale =) . bought some clothes that were on sale =D for really good prices, i got a shirt for 5$ and another for $7, originally around $40 (CAD). then we went to have sushi/korean food =) and we chatted.. lol and bonded and stuff which was cool =) . good times. lol i didtn want the day/night to end. i really do love these people. sigh. i wish we were one big family, but in a sense we are a family in Christ. so that's just as good =) .
then they drove me home. lol where i showed my parents that see, they could ccover it up. so nothing to worry about. God provides, and He would never do anything to hurt me, and He doesnt want us to worry, so I didn't and I trusted in Him.. sigh until my mom. =( i also realized how hard it was to actually put what i'm taught into practise - to keep calm with my mom, to hold back terrible things that could be said, and to trust in God first, that He will take care of everything, and that even though I can't see my mom's love, I can see His love, and that's what's most important. I think learning to love my mom will be the hardest thing i'll have to overcome (perhaps in my teenage years). I know that she loves me, so I will somehow see it, and I will learn to forgive her for all the hurt she's caused me, even if she doesn't ask for forgiveness. But because God loved us first, and because He sent His son to die for us, so that we may be forgiven, I will do my best to follow His example, and forgive, and love my mom. I know that Satan is working against me, and that he will do anything to tear my family and myself apart, but with God on my side, he is useless! I will be strong and courageous, as that is the Lord's command to us.
Deuteronomy 31:7 - 8 says, (Moses, to Joshua --> Joshua was Moses' aide)
7 Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, “Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their ancestors to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. 8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Joshua 1:5-9 says, (God talking to Joshua, after Moses dies, because Joshua is taking over for him now)
5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.
7 “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
From Hebrews 13:5,
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
As promised, here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_2qG22SPwU - your love never fails, Jesus Culture
I haven't had time to blog about what happened on Saturday - lots.
it started terribly. sometime at night, after 12am... my dog decided that it would be a great idea to climb onto my bed and sleep with me. so i let her, and being the loving person i am, i wanted to sleep while hugging her, so i grabbed her and then just like hugged her sleeping. lol but she struggled and didn't want to sleep with me =( so she squirmed out of my grasp and scratched my face in the process.... lol.... then i got up, & went to the washroom to check it out. it was a pretty big scratch, in terms of length, starting from a little to the side of my mouth to my neck.... and it wasn't bleeding profusely, no. just clogging at the seam. i got some polysporin from my parent's room and put some on.. then i had to use three giant sized bandages to cover it to prevent myself from touching it, or my dog licking it. i was too tired to worry about this, because i was going to be filming an interview later that day... lol and now i have a scratch...
then the next morning, i woke up and before anyone saw, i peeled off the bandages and checked out the cut - not too bad, but just really visible still. my dad was bugging me to quickly get downstairs and have breakfast, as he needed to drive me to my friend's house to do a group project... when i came down , he saw the scratch... and he just asked me what happened, and seemed genuinely concerned.
went to friend's house... worked on project... got picked up by parents.... went to eat dimsum...
and this is where it gets worse.......... my dad drops my mom and i off to get seats at the restaurant first... and my mom notices my healing scar.. she asked me what happened, and i told her.. and then she got really pissed off at me.. and started yelling at me - inside the restaurant. about how i was going on tv and i had to choose this day to get marked up on my face. i guess she could have been concerned for my well being.. lol in some hidden way. but her tone was so hostile, and she was so loud, the people in the tables beside us were staring...... and then i was trying so hard to keep calm, and not lash out at her in profanity or rude words. she made me sit really close next to her, and she kept spitting at me, and in my food.. and i was so disturbed (because im a germophobe already) and i felt so trampled on.. that i really wanted to move away. so i did.. i moved slightly away and she got even more incensed.. and made me move back. so i did.. and then i didnt want to eat because i was so grossed out.. so i just waited for my dad to come.. the wait wasn't too long, but it was enough to cause damage. like. i dont know what to think of her. i want to think positively of my own mother, but why does it seem so hard? why doesn't she understand? why. doesn't she understand that i didnt want for my face to get scratched up? did she think i tried to get my dog to scratch me the day before filming? really? is she that obsessed with "face", that she doesnt even care to ask me if it hurt, or to get me ointment or something. or any question of concern. nothing. all she wanted, was for her dream to be realized through me. she always talked about how she wanted to see me in the newspapers one day, so she could brag about it to her friends. what if i was in the news because i died a horrible accident? would she brag then? so what if i got a bit scratched? why does my appearance matter? of all people, she should understand that as christians we're not supposed to care about what this messed up world thinks of us, especially since what we stand for is against so many people. why is she so caught up in face? our appearances mean nothing to us. in a few years, we'll all look old and ugly. but life goes on. this is not important. and it was an accident. so obviously, i didnt mean for it to happen, and well what ever happens happens right? deal with it. we can't go back in time to fix it. so why did she have to make me feel unworthy of her love? she never cared about my appearance. why does she care now, that i'm going to be on tv?? huh? is it because now, she can't boast to her friends? because they'll see how messed up my face is? it's not even that bad. but still. why does she care so much. it pains me. i want to know that she loves me. i want to know that she does care about me, somewhere deep down. i want to believe it when she tells me that she loves me. i want to be able to tell her i love her back without feeling forced, or like a fake. ughhhhhhhhhas.dsajdslkdja.kdsjdskldjskd. im fighting, im fighting. im fighting satan's temptation to just give in and break down. to just crumble and let her words pierce me. to fall into pieces that noone loves me. ughr.sakdjsalkdj get out..... it doesnt help, and wont change anything if i do. and plus, i have God - and He loves me more than anyone. and He will help me to get through this....... even if it will take a long time.
ok getting back to my day.. so before she could make me cry or anything, my dad came, and she started trying to continue........ trashing me, telling him not to let me go out (not that i do, or have anything to do with what happened...lol..) but then she saw some of her friends from church (thank God), who she waved over to sit with us. then she tried to tell them what happened so that they could back her up and stuff, but good thing they knew not to do that. lol, and so they saved me. oh goodness. another answered prayer. so i just tried not to think about it for the rest of the dimsum.. oh man i love that lady =) . she told my mom that it was nothing, they could cover it up with make up and like she made light of the situation to my mom (which i was already initially "light" about, until my mom saw me). sigh.
then i'll just skip to the good part. lol, nothing interesting or good happened next anyway.... until
my band mate picked me up from home, and then we went to look for the fairchild tv station.. then we looked around at the set, and got our make up done, and everyone there was just like concerned about my scratch, and made light of the situation lol and like maybe because they arent family? so it'd be really mean/rude to say something like that anyway. so idk maybe it was my mom's job to say the mean things lol although i could have totally done without. but the make up lady did an amazing job, and you couldn't even notice the cut, which was what i told my mom, even though she didnt seem to care. we filmed the thing, and i was so nervous lol when it was my turn to answer a question, i started it okay. and then there were some phrases/words i didnt know in chinese.. so i just went "euhhh.." and then i laughed. lol and then yeah the host just tried to help me phew. so it was pretty good overall.. i hope. haha. it airs end of may, so we'll see then!
after we filmed it, we explored the building lol and took pictures posing as the news broadcasters for the chinese news at their set. lol it was the best part of the day i'd say. haha. =) we all went out to eat and chat. good times...
then some people left, and it was just my 3 band mates and i, so we all went in one car and went shopping at yorkdale =) . bought some clothes that were on sale =D for really good prices, i got a shirt for 5$ and another for $7, originally around $40 (CAD). then we went to have sushi/korean food =) and we chatted.. lol and bonded and stuff which was cool =) . good times. lol i didtn want the day/night to end. i really do love these people. sigh. i wish we were one big family, but in a sense we are a family in Christ. so that's just as good =) .
then they drove me home. lol where i showed my parents that see, they could ccover it up. so nothing to worry about. God provides, and He would never do anything to hurt me, and He doesnt want us to worry, so I didn't and I trusted in Him.. sigh until my mom. =( i also realized how hard it was to actually put what i'm taught into practise - to keep calm with my mom, to hold back terrible things that could be said, and to trust in God first, that He will take care of everything, and that even though I can't see my mom's love, I can see His love, and that's what's most important. I think learning to love my mom will be the hardest thing i'll have to overcome (perhaps in my teenage years). I know that she loves me, so I will somehow see it, and I will learn to forgive her for all the hurt she's caused me, even if she doesn't ask for forgiveness. But because God loved us first, and because He sent His son to die for us, so that we may be forgiven, I will do my best to follow His example, and forgive, and love my mom. I know that Satan is working against me, and that he will do anything to tear my family and myself apart, but with God on my side, he is useless! I will be strong and courageous, as that is the Lord's command to us.
Deuteronomy 31:7 - 8 says, (Moses, to Joshua --> Joshua was Moses' aide)
7 Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, “Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their ancestors to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. 8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Joshua 1:5-9 says, (God talking to Joshua, after Moses dies, because Joshua is taking over for him now)
5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.
7 “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
From Hebrews 13:5,
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”
never will I forsake you.”
As promised, here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_2qG22SPwU - your love never fails, Jesus Culture
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