Is It Too Late?

To realize that I can boost up my average? But the marks went in yesterday...and when will they see updated marks? Would it be after final exams? That would be too late. June 2nd is the deadline to respong to university acceptances. I still haven't heard from Waterloo. lol but the sad thing is, I realized.. that it's not that bad. It's not that hard to just spend two to three weeknights off the computer, away from distractions, and actually pull out physics, chemistry, or calculus homework to do. It's not that bad. I actually kind of enjoy doing this. The only problem is that I've cornered myself into believing that I can not work at home, and that the only places I can work at are coffee shops during the day, the mandarin chapel's desk/computer that i've sort of treated as my own office on Friday evenings, or in my tech class with the computer during school.

When I think about it. I should have been more productive during.... Feburary and March, where my grades started slipping and I just sort of gave up. I would still do my best to cram before a test, but I would only do my projects and assignments the day before. Sigh... Every time we start a new chapter, a new unit, or a new assignment, I always tell myself  that this is another chance to start fresh, to complete my homework daily, and to stay caught up and understand everything before I go to class, to ask questions, and to even seek the teacher after school or at lunch for extra help.

I still ask questions in class regarding homework. I still try my best to stay awake and pay attention. But I keep giving in, every now and then, to just resting my head on my arms, or just daze off into my own little thoughts. I have to keep focused. Even if it's too late for loo to see my marks go up (hopefully), at least i'll be able to get a higher scholarship @ mcmaster. besides, maybe i'll get into loo for another program.

Anyway, I've stopped worrying. I'm not saying that I don't care about getting into loo, i'm just going to really try hard for these last two and a half months to stay focused, on task, and understand everything. I know what I'm doing for calculus - I just need to stop making stupid mistakes with things that are so basic, like algebra, for physics and chemistry, it's all about the understanding, and applying. For physics, I dont even have to memorize the equations. I just have to do the practise problems, and UNDERSTAND everything. I  need to link everything together. for all my courses. When I find a link, then it'll stay in my brain and I won't forget it. I think my memory is like a harddrive with a limited capacity of one chapter/unit per subject at one time. I need to stop thinking that way, and hold on to my memory. I have to hold them back, and not let them slip away, as I am so tempted to just do... and it comes so naturally... sigh. connect the pieces. i have two and a half months to study my butt off for these exams, and there's only 3 of them i really have to work for. Just need to focus. and stop procrastinating.