Friday, April 8, 2011

trying too hard

why does it feel so fake the  more i try to repress my anger and hold back my resentfulness towards you? i know i cant lash out and yell at you in frustration & out of streess and unfairness. but why does it feeeeeeeeeel so fake. why do i make myself act so timid and nice to you? even when im most angry and on the verge of bursting.

also - i cant find my shoes. i only have 2 pairs lol........ so.......... where is my second pair?...............

trying to prep for interview......cant find half my clothes or my shoes.

why do you always tell me to prepare things in advance, or pack things the night before so i wont miss anything in the morning/dont have to rush - and so that while im lying down for bed, i can get up and pack whaatever i might suddenly reemember...before sleeping.

sounds like a good idea right.

so why is it that, when i try to take your advice and actually do it; why do you get mad at me and not let me? it was your great idea remember? you told me to do it. so why are you getting mad? T_T

sigh such a little thing can so easily briing up all this negativity. i neeed to control myself................ and chill out. stop bringing up the past...........

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