No, this is not a book report. This is not a movie review. I just read the plot summary of the book by Charles Dickens, and it sounds interesting. I might borrow it from the library to read sometime.
I have very unrealistic expectations for myself, and sometimes it leaks over to people that I interact with. Some expectations are legit. Some expectations are too much. I have an idea of how things should be - I act like an idealist, but I think like a realist. I know that it is impossible for me to be perfect in anything. I know that it is impossible for me to do everything - to solve all the world's problems. To be fill in all the gaps that are missing. But I still try. I still exhaust every part of me to do it all. Maybe it's the idea of self worth - the feeling that I can be the one to save the day. Perhaps it is me who I am trying to glorify. Perhaps if I think I can do and accomplish all these things (even if I enjoy them), perhaps... only then, will people love me. Perhaps, only then, society will respect me. Perhaps.
As I said, all these things I know are unrealistic. I know that there will always be something I cannot do, there will always be somebody who disagrees, or doesn't care. I live life as if I am trying to accomplish both societal and "Christian" standards. But that is not possible either - as they contradict each other in what they want you to become, and how they want you to behave.
" 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. 7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
- Galatians 6:4-10
What is there more to gain than the approval and love of God, the Creator of all? Why do I need affirmation from others before making a concrete decision - do I not trust that God will direct me? If I can not decide for myself what to do until someone else tells me, do I not know how to follow God? If I only follow what other people say - I am not following God. I am following people. If I do not make my own decisions - how can I learn to grow in discerning God's will? I let others choose because it becomes their decision. They made the decision for me, so they are responsible for what happens to me. That is wrong. People will say what they will say, people will try to make you do things. If I let my life be run by people then I will just be a slave to the winds and the waves. I have been freed by Christ, so why put myself in chains?
"13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. 16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law."
- Galatians 5:13-18
So let me not be afraid to live life by the Spirit. If I make a bad decision, if what I expect doesn't happen - if I believe that I have done my best in doing what is good in the eyes of the Lord, then I just have to keep going, knowing that I am living for Christ and not for anyone else.
I have very unrealistic expectations for myself, and sometimes it leaks over to people that I interact with. Some expectations are legit. Some expectations are too much. I have an idea of how things should be - I act like an idealist, but I think like a realist. I know that it is impossible for me to be perfect in anything. I know that it is impossible for me to do everything - to solve all the world's problems. To be fill in all the gaps that are missing. But I still try. I still exhaust every part of me to do it all. Maybe it's the idea of self worth - the feeling that I can be the one to save the day. Perhaps it is me who I am trying to glorify. Perhaps if I think I can do and accomplish all these things (even if I enjoy them), perhaps... only then, will people love me. Perhaps, only then, society will respect me. Perhaps.
As I said, all these things I know are unrealistic. I know that there will always be something I cannot do, there will always be somebody who disagrees, or doesn't care. I live life as if I am trying to accomplish both societal and "Christian" standards. But that is not possible either - as they contradict each other in what they want you to become, and how they want you to behave.
" 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. 7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
- Galatians 6:4-10
What is there more to gain than the approval and love of God, the Creator of all? Why do I need affirmation from others before making a concrete decision - do I not trust that God will direct me? If I can not decide for myself what to do until someone else tells me, do I not know how to follow God? If I only follow what other people say - I am not following God. I am following people. If I do not make my own decisions - how can I learn to grow in discerning God's will? I let others choose because it becomes their decision. They made the decision for me, so they are responsible for what happens to me. That is wrong. People will say what they will say, people will try to make you do things. If I let my life be run by people then I will just be a slave to the winds and the waves. I have been freed by Christ, so why put myself in chains?
"13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. 16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law."
- Galatians 5:13-18
So let me not be afraid to live life by the Spirit. If I make a bad decision, if what I expect doesn't happen - if I believe that I have done my best in doing what is good in the eyes of the Lord, then I just have to keep going, knowing that I am living for Christ and not for anyone else.
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