It's amazing how quickly people can change. It's funny how it's unexpected as well. In my mind, I always remember someone to be the same as I last knew them. Maybe that is the weakness in my thoughts. I assume that people will always be how they used to be when I knew them well. But people do change, and I guess if I'm not around to see them change, then it will come as a surprise when I meet them again.
I hurt somebody a while back, and I didn't know how bad it was. I didn't think that it was bad at all. It was easy to go along life pretending that nothing had happened and just gloss over the fact that we were friends but weren't any more. Recently, I've been gradually coming in more contact with this person again. I had hoped that it would be easier for things to go back to the way they were before what I did.
Instead, I was met by a well deserved ice-cold wall. I was surprised at the way I was treated. I had always thought of this person as a kind-hearted, gentle person. But I guess everyone seems nice when you're on their good side. I had never experienced this kind of treatment from this person before, and perhaps that's why I am feeling a bit discouraged. I had hopes that we would be able to become friends again but it didn't really seem like something that the other person wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I took my friendship for granted. I didn't treat this person the way I should have and now I'm still reaping the consequences. It really comes as a harsh reminder that I need to cherish all my relationships, no matter how small they may seem at the time. People will remember how you treat them, and once hurt, it becomes so much harder for them to open up to you again.
I also feel guilty. I feel like I shattered something inside, opened up a door that revealed what cruel things are out there in this world. I wish that it wasn't me who had done it. I helped this person to see that not everyone was trust-able, that not everyone was safe to befriend. Now that I see the way my former friend interacts with others, I can't help but feel responsible for the change. At the same time, this is a phase that a lot of people go through before discovering certain truths. I just wish that this person didn't have to learn it this way. I am being very vague but I don't really want to talk about it right now. I just need an outlet for my thoughts.
But as I pondered these thoughts while in the shower, I realized that I need to ask God for forgiveness, and to forgive myself as well. I need to remember that God is bigger than my mistakes, and that He is in control of both my and the person that I hurt's lives. Although I see so many things that cause me to worry, I need to trust that God's plans are in action and that God can turn anything that may seem bad into a very good thing. I mustn't be discouraged at the fact that this person's heart has hardened towards me.
Lately it seems like a lot of people are going out of my life. I feel like I am losing people. Whether it be because of things that I was oblivious about, or my own decision to keep a distance, or people that I have hurt, the end result is still the same. My relationships with others have been falling apart and the common factor is me. I need to do something. I need to change the way I see others and put more value into my friendships. Everyone has motives. They can be good or bad. I must choose mine to be good, regardless of the choices of others.
These two songs kept popping up in my head the whole time I was worrying and fussing over this issue. They remind me of how much God still loves me even though I am full of flaws. They remind me that even though people are leaving, He will never leave me and that I only need Him to sustain myself. I need to remember that God is in control and give my life into His hands.
http://youtu.be/4ZH06hW6psA - Absolutely (Starfield)
Only He can save me and my situation.
http://youtu.be/6UfXv8ZCzm0 - You'll Come (Hillsong)
I hurt somebody a while back, and I didn't know how bad it was. I didn't think that it was bad at all. It was easy to go along life pretending that nothing had happened and just gloss over the fact that we were friends but weren't any more. Recently, I've been gradually coming in more contact with this person again. I had hoped that it would be easier for things to go back to the way they were before what I did.
Instead, I was met by a well deserved ice-cold wall. I was surprised at the way I was treated. I had always thought of this person as a kind-hearted, gentle person. But I guess everyone seems nice when you're on their good side. I had never experienced this kind of treatment from this person before, and perhaps that's why I am feeling a bit discouraged. I had hopes that we would be able to become friends again but it didn't really seem like something that the other person wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I took my friendship for granted. I didn't treat this person the way I should have and now I'm still reaping the consequences. It really comes as a harsh reminder that I need to cherish all my relationships, no matter how small they may seem at the time. People will remember how you treat them, and once hurt, it becomes so much harder for them to open up to you again.
I also feel guilty. I feel like I shattered something inside, opened up a door that revealed what cruel things are out there in this world. I wish that it wasn't me who had done it. I helped this person to see that not everyone was trust-able, that not everyone was safe to befriend. Now that I see the way my former friend interacts with others, I can't help but feel responsible for the change. At the same time, this is a phase that a lot of people go through before discovering certain truths. I just wish that this person didn't have to learn it this way. I am being very vague but I don't really want to talk about it right now. I just need an outlet for my thoughts.
But as I pondered these thoughts while in the shower, I realized that I need to ask God for forgiveness, and to forgive myself as well. I need to remember that God is bigger than my mistakes, and that He is in control of both my and the person that I hurt's lives. Although I see so many things that cause me to worry, I need to trust that God's plans are in action and that God can turn anything that may seem bad into a very good thing. I mustn't be discouraged at the fact that this person's heart has hardened towards me.
Lately it seems like a lot of people are going out of my life. I feel like I am losing people. Whether it be because of things that I was oblivious about, or my own decision to keep a distance, or people that I have hurt, the end result is still the same. My relationships with others have been falling apart and the common factor is me. I need to do something. I need to change the way I see others and put more value into my friendships. Everyone has motives. They can be good or bad. I must choose mine to be good, regardless of the choices of others.
These two songs kept popping up in my head the whole time I was worrying and fussing over this issue. They remind me of how much God still loves me even though I am full of flaws. They remind me that even though people are leaving, He will never leave me and that I only need Him to sustain myself. I need to remember that God is in control and give my life into His hands.
http://youtu.be/4ZH06hW6psA - Absolutely (Starfield)
Only He can save me and my situation.
http://youtu.be/6UfXv8ZCzm0 - You'll Come (Hillsong)
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