Ordinary People

http://youtu.be/PIh07c_P4hc 

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

- John Legend


Note: Sorry, after this post, if you keep going to older posts, don't click on the links for the songs, you should right click and select "open link in a new tab". Sorry about this inconvenience as I only discovered how to make the links automatically open in a new tab recently and I don't really want to go through each and every one of my older posts to change them. It will take too long. Thanks!

Psalm 19:7-9

The law of the Lord is perfect,
    refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
    making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
    giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
    giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure,
    enduring forever.
The decrees of the Lord are firm,
    and all of them are righteous.

Lazy Day

I'm sad that it's cold today. It rained all morning too. I woke up and just stayed in bed the whole time. Now that I look outside and see that it has stopped raining, I want to go out. Even if it's by myself. But I don't want to put on my winter clothes. Not just yet.

To Pursue, or to Let Be?

It's amazing how quickly people can change. It's funny how it's unexpected as well. In my mind, I always remember someone to be the same as I last knew them. Maybe that is the weakness in my thoughts. I assume that people will always be how they used to be when I knew them well. But people do change, and I guess if I'm not around to see them change, then it will come as a surprise when I meet them again.

I hurt somebody a while back, and I didn't know how bad it was. I didn't think that it was bad at all. It was easy to go along life pretending that nothing had happened and just gloss over the fact that we were friends but weren't any more. Recently, I've been gradually coming in more contact with this person again. I had hoped that it would be easier for things to go back to the way they were before what I did.

Instead, I was met by a well deserved ice-cold wall. I was surprised at the way I was treated. I had always thought of this person as a kind-hearted, gentle person. But I guess everyone seems nice when you're on their good side. I had never experienced this kind of treatment from this person before, and perhaps that's why I am feeling a bit discouraged. I had hopes that we would be able to become friends again but it didn't really seem like something that the other person wanted.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I took my friendship for granted. I didn't treat this person the way I should have and now I'm still reaping the consequences. It really comes as a harsh reminder that I need to cherish all my relationships, no matter how small they may seem at the time. People will remember how you treat them, and once hurt, it becomes so much harder for them to open up to you again.

I also feel guilty. I feel like I shattered something inside, opened up a door that revealed what cruel things are out there in this world. I wish that it wasn't me who had done it. I helped this person to see that not everyone was trust-able, that not everyone was safe to befriend. Now that I see the way my former friend interacts with others, I can't help but feel responsible for the change. At the same time, this is a phase that a lot of people go through before discovering certain truths. I just wish that this person didn't have to learn it this way. I am being very vague but I don't really want to talk about it right now. I just need an outlet for my thoughts.

But as I pondered these thoughts while in the shower, I realized that I need to ask God for forgiveness, and to forgive myself as well. I need to remember that God is bigger than my mistakes, and that He is in control of both my and the person that I hurt's lives. Although I see so many things that cause me to worry, I need to trust that God's plans are in action and that God can turn anything that may seem bad into a very good thing. I mustn't be discouraged at the fact that this person's heart has hardened towards me.

Lately it seems like a lot of people are going out of my life. I feel like I am losing people. Whether it be because of things that I was oblivious about, or my own decision to keep a distance, or people that I have hurt, the end result is still the same. My relationships with others have been falling apart and the common factor is me. I need to do something. I need to change the way I see others and put more value into my friendships. Everyone has motives. They can be good or bad. I must choose mine to be good, regardless of the choices of others.

These two songs kept popping up in my head the whole time I was worrying and fussing over this issue. They remind me of how much God still loves me even though I am full of flaws. They remind me that even though people are leaving, He will never leave me and that I only need Him to sustain myself. I need to remember that God is in control and give my life into His hands.
http://youtu.be/4ZH06hW6psA - Absolutely (Starfield)

Only He can save me and my situation.
http://youtu.be/6UfXv8ZCzm0 - You'll Come (Hillsong)

Your Love is Strong

http://youtu.be/301S7NgAkLs - Jon Foreman


Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
Give me the food I need to live through today
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong (x3)

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong (x4)

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Mold

Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (NIV)

This is the verse of the day today, from BibleGateway.com.

It's interesting this verse was the verse of the day. Lately, I've been struggling with people coming and going out of my life. I know that in some ways, this is normal, and inevitable. You move to a different school. You go out of town. You move to another country. You join the army. Or perhaps there are other reasons why people leave. Perhaps you got into a fight and there was too much that built up to it that broke the friendship. Perhaps your parents forbade you to be friends.

Perhaps it was just a one sided relationship. Perhaps the person on the other end just didn't feel the same way, or they got bored, or thought you weren't worth it. Maybe they found other friends. Maybe they moved on in life and didn't look back to see if you followed. My friend once told me that, "People change and forget to tell you". I think she's right about that. It's a sad truth that I have come to face.

Sometimes I feel like I pour so much of my time, thought, energy, and effort to get to know someone. To keep a friendship going takes up a lot of everything. Maybe I'm just not very perceptive in the way others see me. I like to think that no matter how poorly someone can treat you at any point in time, they had a reason to do so (whether it be a legit reason). I don't believe that anyone would go out of their way just to hurt someone unless someone hurt them first.

A part of me feels so lost and confused at the realization that some people just don't need me or want to continue having a friendship with me. Sometimes I wonder how people can just drop another person. Just like that. It's discouraging when I'm always the one seeking out the other. It's sad to think that I see a sliver of hope when I am contacted, even if just to help them. I think what hurts the most is just not knowing why or what happened. Did I do something wrong? I would understand.

Sometimes people drift away, but it's gradual. You used to talk often. Then occasionally, then rarely, and then maybe once in a blue moon. But that's not what happened.

Maybe I'm too burdened. Maybe I've taken on too much than I can handle. Maybe the people that I thought would make good friends didn't feel the same way, or didn't think it was worth carrying my burdens. Whatever it is, I need to move on and stop moping over this. As much as I want to fulfill this verse, it isn't happening if it's not being reciprocated, and I'm wasting my efforts that could have been more useful to someone else. There are other people out there in this moment in time that are better suited for me. Maybe they will know how to carry my burdens and I will know how to carry theirs as well.

A good friend of mine told me to cut the fat. He told me that the people who don't do me any good aren't people that are worth pursuing. These kinds of relationships, the kind that takes without giving back are like leeches. They take a lot, and then leave you feeling terrible. I think he's right. It's like bread. It has an expiry date. The bread is still edible a few days after the expiry date and won't do you harm, but once you leave it out for so long that it starts growing mold, it is no longer healthy, rather harmful. A friendship can start out really well. Some friendships seem to have an expiry date on them, but if you pursue the relationship, it can be saved. But some friendships just dwindle and after a certain amount of time of trying to save it, if the other person doesn't change or reciprocate, then it's time to throw out the bread before it becomes deadly.

That's what I need to do. I will still be there for them if they ever need me, or decide to be my friend again. But in the mean time, there is no point in being sad, and there is no point in wasting effort to try and rebuild what was lost.

Don't worry, this post isn't because I'm feeling useless or sad. This is just helpful for me to put this behind. A physical(ish) way for me to leave behind any wavering thoughts of wasting more effort. I'm not emo, I know that I'm unworthy of God's grace, yet He still loves me and wants to have a relationship with me. I know that He knows me best, and I trust in His judgement for the people He brings and takes away from me.

You Know Me - George Huff

Floating Thoughts

Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness
Proverbs 14:22

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips. Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both. Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:1-6

Inflection Point

http://youtu.be/KkNqxcz3E3M - Ancient Words

Ever since this term started in September, I haven't had much time to spend by myself. I often find myself chatting with others, eating out, and just always being in the company of another. I haven't had much down time; time for me to just rest, and lounge around in my own comfort. Although I do enjoy being around others and having thoughtful and deep conversation with my friends or new-found companions, I still need to recharge my emotional energy every once in a while. This is something that I've been lacking lately.

Yesterday was the first day that I've been able to spend mostly to myself. Life was just getting too much. I used to always have lots of time to spend on my own, but because of my new living situation, I don't feel comfortable being home alone, or being home in general. Instead, I have been hanging out a lot; leaving early in the mornings and returning late at night only to sleep. I was so caught up in life that I had no time to think or reflect deeply about what happened each day, or just relaxing. I have been overly exhausted. A normal day for me would be to wake up and go to work, then meet up with people for lunch, go back to work, then meet up with people for dinner, then do an activity with them, and then finally go home around 11pm or later. I ate out all the time, saw people all the time, and was just always occupied; physically and mentally. I didn't get enough sleep (8hours), and would rely on coffee to keep myself awake during the work hours.

Aside from my living conditions, I had a lot of other stresses that added to my emotional exhaustion. I was drawn into different friends' situations and trying to help them or "save" them started to take a toll on me as I would burden myself with their problems and think that I was the one who was to be their hero. I felt that if I couldn't do something to change their situation for the better, that I was doing a bad job as their friend.

But I've been meeting up with a friend lately, who I haven't really hung out with in a while. And as I explained my situation, and talked about the different aspects of my life that made me so exhausted, my friend said to me, "from what you're telling me, it seems like you're burdened by other people's sin". This was a thought. A new thought to me. I had never really thought of my situation like that before. Heck, I hadn't even really had much time to reflect on anything that was going on in my life. I was always on the fly, going and going and going; from one place to another, my mind wandering from one thing to the next, never having the chance to really digest and delve into the root of all that was happening. As I thought about it more and more, the words my friend had said to me sunk in, and I began to see the truth of that statement. There was definitely a lot of sin revolving around the issues that my friends have been dealing with, and even in my own attitudes and thoughts, there were unclean thoughts. I had negative feelings towards some people I had come in contact with, had a lot of mixed feelings about certain things, and buried many of my real thoughts and feelings.

As I met up again with this same friend, I uncovered a lot of thoughts and feelings that I didn't realize I had. This talk was very therapeutic for me. My friend asked me questions that provoked me to really think about the underlying meanings of my thoughts and actions. I was also reminded to look into the Bible for help, and truth. So after this meeting, I spent the rest of the day by myself, just trying to relax and recharge. It was really good. Then today, the sermon at church talked about looking to scripture for help and just to always stay connected to it; always go back to it to learn how to live. It reminded me of how much I really needed to read more of God's word and use that to sort out my problems. To go to God and ask him to lift up the burdens I have taken up upon myself from others, and to help cleanse the sin from around me. I need Jesus to do the saving. I am just here to do my role as a servant of Christ and to live my life the way it was intended.


As I go off and start a new week, here are some goals:
- Pray for others instead of worrying
- Bring my problems and issues to God
- Get enough sleep
- Eat at home/cook more
- Meet up with different people for lunch
- Start ecxercising
- Give myself rest time and space to recharge/re-energize

Turkey Reflections

Yes. Thanksgiving. So I will post about thanksgiving.
http://youtu.be/taYhmsA8PvQ - Cannot Say Enough (MercyMe)

I went home this weekend, and my band wanted to share about things they were thankful for in the following categories:
- self
- family & friends
- school/work
- past incident during the year
- the band

So I will share them with you too.

Self
I am thankful that I am a very easy-going, laid back person. I feel free to do whatever I want to do, like I have the choice to do whatever I wish to do. I also know that I do not have to worry, for I am in God's hands. I see this as something to be thankful for because God made me this way. It helps me to be open to possibilities and risks out there that I can take to help me to grow as a person and spiritually. This also helps me to get along with other people well.

Family & Friends
I am thankful for my family that they are supportive and loving even though I am living in another city. They make the effort to talk to me and see how I am doing, as well as ask for ways they could pray for me. They take care of me when I come back and I don't have to worry about taking care of myself as much. They provide for, and advise me about challenges that come my way.

I am thankful for my friends, especially in the community of brothers and sisters in Christ that I have found here. They welcome me as I am, speak truth to me, and take care of me. They have helped me to grow and be myself over the past year, house me, feed me, and see that I am doing well. I'd like to say that they've changed me from a quiet person who shies away from others, to someone who is willing to reach out and comfort people I have just barely met.

I am also thankful for my friends back home, who still call me from time to time to check up on me, and to catch up with me. I am glad that they have saved a spot for me in their hearts, where I feel comfortable to call them up anytime and be able to just speak to them without hesitation. They've seen how I was for many years of my life and have stuck with me through all the crazies. I miss them and although we don't meet up very often, it never seems like our relationship has changed when we do meet again. We pick up from where we've left off, and are comfortable in silence. They encourage me and listen to me though I don't always make sense or have everything put together. We laugh, we share, we understand, and we grow. We are not afraid to be frank with one another, as we know we do it out of love.

School & Work
I am thankful that school is not stressing me out too much yet. It seems like I have landed the right program, and I am content with my studies. I am not failing nor am I doing extremely well. I am doing just well enough to be where I need to be and get where I need to get.

I am thankful that work is not too difficult at the moment. I know what I am obligated to do and I know that doing anything more is up to me and that I am not forced to do anything I am uncomfortable with. Although I may experience difficulties with others sometimes, I know that I am not alone and that this is all part of the learning experience for me to grow as an adult and professional. I am here to learn and learn I shall.

Past Incident
This is something that I actually did not share with my band, as I couldn't think of one at that time.

...still nothing comes to mind... my memories seem to be lost...

The Band
I am thankful for my band, as they continue to invite me out to their practices and social events. Being part of this band has helped me to grow musically (on the guitar), as well as spiritually. I have learned more about what it means to lead worship, the importance of unity, and fellowship with one another. I have also learned more about my own culture, being born in Canada. I have learned that not all Chinese people are the way that I thought they were (my own prejudices) and I have friends that are "fobs" or "1st generation". Being part of this band from the very beginning until the present has been a huge stepping stone for me in terms of my worship life. I started doing more live performances, led worship for larger communities, and learned different styles of playing the guitar (electric, acoustic + music styles). They are a supportive group that encourages one another even when we make mistakes and we value each member's role on the team.



I've probably already shared this song before, but here goes: http://youtu.be/ckS5DZRkWqI - Count Your Blessings (Nas & Damian Marley)