Reciprocal

In math, you often hear the term "reciprocal" being used. This is just a fancy way to say "the inverse of". It means a number that is to the power of negative one. If your initial number is 3, then the reciprocal of that would be 1/3. If your initial number is 5/2, then the reciprocol of that would be 2/5. Then, of course - we have an intial number of 1, whose reciprocal is the same - 1. one over one is one.

In english, the word reciprocal has many definitions (paraphrased from dictionary.com). Here are some:

- corresponding --> matching, equivalent, complementary.

- mutual --> usually used in the context " the students respected their teacher, and their teacher reciprocated that respect." you can say " to reflect back" or "they feel this way about each other"


Do you ever get that feeling where you feel like you feel so much of one emotion, or you have so much of something, that it feels like it's overflowing because you can't seem to get rid of it, lessen it, or give it away? It's like how you make a smoothie, and when you fill up one glass with the smoothie, there's a bit left in the blender still, and you can't drink that much, but nobody else wants any, so the rest of the smoothie either just goes to waste, or you try and stuff it in you. That's how I feel sometimes with love and friendship. I feel like I have so much of it, and there's so much love and friendship in me that I want to share, and give away... but noone wants to take it from me. Well that's not completely true, not noone. But still, there's a giant overflow of it and I feel like sometimes it's going to waste. Why do I feel so much? Sometimes I try to drink up those emotions, try to expand my glass container, to contain more, but it doesn't work like that. The particle theory states that matter can not be created nor destroyed, so I can't make my glass bigger. When I think about how many people I know or how many people that I could be closer friends with or give my love to (as friends), I feel kind of sad, and kind of confused as to what to do with this excess of feelings or love that I have inside me.

I'm thinking about this right now, and I can't help but hear God's words in my mind. I look at myself, and then I look at God's perspective. God has so much love for us, so much that it overflows, more than there is in my blender. When you compare the amount of people that God wants to give and spread His love to versus me - a little girl who knows like probably not even 1% of the people that God knows, I can only begin to imagine how sad God must feel. God wants us so much, He wants us to find satisfaction in Him, He wants to give good things to us, and watch us grow closer to Him, and be His children. God wants us to fulfill our purpose, and follow His plan that He has carefully laid out for each and every one of us. It is through thinking about how many more people I could love, how many more people that I want to just let me take care of them, and let me love them that I realize how God must be feeling. So many unsaved lives, so many lost relationships, so many people He wants to reciprocate this love back to Him. He is always reaching out to us, and if only we weren't so blinded by the falsehoods on Earth, so that we may see His hand, reach out, and take it.

Exodus 34:14 says "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." (NIV)

Deuteronomy 4:24 says "For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 11:2 says "I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy." (NIV)

He loves us so much, and wants us to love Him back so much, but we don't because we're distracted by the things in this world, earthly things that will have no meaning later after death - that He is jealous of us. He is jealous that we don't give our love back to Him - the creator who made us so that He could love us, and so that we could love Him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-rW528qiYw  - How He Loves, Kim Walker

such a good song.

Jeremiah 29:11 says " "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

such a good verse

Cleaning Binge

You know how it is with food. You eat. You barf it up. You do something, and then you reverse it.

I'm on a cleaning binge. This usually happens at night. Every so often, or as you may also say - rarely, I have an urge to just clean everything.

after i showered, i did the laundry and dried my hair. i just washed my sink, my tub, and cleaned my and my parent's toilets.

tomorrow, my sink will get dirty again, and so will my toilet and tub, and then the clothes that i put on. i'm going to get dirty too. lol.

for clothing - its a daily thing - i can't wear the same underwear two days in a row! or socks! shirts ehh depends. pants.. usually last a few wearing times.

sinks, toilets and tubs start getting dirty after a week. then it builds up.

for me, it's a daily thing. i must shower and get clean every day, especially before i go to sleep. i can't sleep going to bed dirty. there's also the other thing i must cleanse myself of every day, and that is sin. there is so much sin in this world, that i am constantly surrounded and influenced by, and the only way to escape sin is to draw closer to God, so that He can guide me in the right path. Everyday is a new struggle, a struggle over sin, and overcoming temptation, and there is only one God who can help me.

Isaiah 43:1-7 says,

 ¹ But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,   God created man (Genesis 1:27)
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; Through Jesus Christ, when He died for our sins
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When we accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, we are His, and we are saved.
² When you pass through the waters,  God is always with us (Matthew 1:23)
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, (Exodus 14:21-22)
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze. (Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego + Flaming Furnace - Daniel 3)
³ For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,   Leading the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 12:31, whole exodus for full story)
   Cush^[a] and Seba in your stead.
⁴ Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
   and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
   nations in exchange for your life.
⁵ Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
   I will bring your children from the east
   and gather you from the west.
⁶ I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
   and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
   and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
⁷ everyone who is called by my name,  people who have accepted Christ into their hearts
   whom I created for my glory,
   whom I formed and made.” back to Genesis 1:27

(NIV)

References:

Genesis 1:27 - "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he creatted them."

Matthew 1:23 - " The virgin will give birth to a son, an they will call him Immanuel - which means, God with us." Jesus has many names! This is one of them.

Exodus 14:21-22 -  "Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, ²² and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left."  This was when the Israelites were fleeing Egypt, but the Red Sea was in their way, and they cried out to God, and then God led them through the Sea through Moses. Moses was a man who had a very close relationship with God.

Exodus 12:31 - "During the night Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, “Up! Leave my people, you and the Israelites! Go, worship the LORD as you have requested."  (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus&version=NIV for the entire story)

Droppings

yes, droppings is another way to say "poop".

all my marks are dropping... except for english. and tech.

i'm doing okay in calc... a lot better than functions. i am so glad =) in the 80s range. maybe even mid 80s lol. how i wish they were high 80s. but yeah i'm so glad. it's better than functions haha so far. just gotta keep it up and do better!

french mark droppeed 5 % because i got 76 and 50 on the last two grammar tests. =( boo.

chem mark dropped 4% because i got 50, 50, 64, and 69 on the different sections on  my last test. ughh eww. so much for getting 95+ on the previous tests. sigh.. how they drop so easily.

physics mark dropped 1 % because of the test that i thought i did really well on, but turns out i made too many little mistakes, and didnt give enough information when i explained stuff. guh. really. whyyy =( i'd rather do poorly at the beginning and then end up with 90s at the end like i started out... 

gotta not be stressed. gotta be in a calm state of mind. gotta trust and let God do His work, because maybe He knows that I wont be able to handle waterloo so mcmaster is best for me. and i'm good with that too. but that doesnt mean i'll stop trying and doing my best. doing my best + God's will = right path.

What Are Words

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQY4dIxY1H4 - Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

Positive Reinforcements

I know, I know, I'm always late. Late for school, late for church sometimes, but I really do try.. for church anyway. School is... well.... let's just say I need motivation. Today, everyone was talking about how we have to be good students, and be ontime and stuff about self respect, teacher respect, and such and such. i know, i hear you, and i do care. but why does my bed have to be so comfortable? and why does school have to be so early? and no matter how much i tell myself i want to go to class because it'll be so fun and exciting, i can't get myself out of bed on time, and even if i do, i can't force myself to rush to leave the house on time. I'm stuck in two places: getting up, and then getting out. I can't wake up on time, and if i do, i move slower, so that if i slept in and woke up and rushed, i'd still leave the house at the same time as if i woke up earlier. sigh.

maybe my lack of motivation lies in these things:

- lack of excitement in class
- lack of people for me to talk to in class - why am i so antisocial? i think i've been drifting from people/society lately...
- subconsciously dont want to go to waterloo? lol i know, its silly. but possible......
- subconsciously don't want to go into engineering? do i even know what it is. and so many boys. and what if i can't handle all the work?
- i dont care about the consequences of being late. honestly. spend an hour maybe less in a room with desks at lunch time vs sitting on the floor against a dirty locker? being forced to do work vs procrastinating and then rushing later + stress? maybe detention is good for me.

how can i motivate myself to get up on time? negative reinforcements don't seem to work on me, i'm willing to pay the consequences, and they might even help me - but i can't rely on them lol + it looks bad on record.

positive reinforcements? sounds like training a dog... except that over time, the positive reinforcement (or reward) lessens from a treat to verbal praising, or petting.

to motivate myself to get up earlier in the morning -- perhaps i can reward myself with extremely delicious breakfast, that i can only eat at home. (so no on the run food, or i'll just shove it in my bag and eat it in the car/class)

what time should i wake up? 7:30? lol is that a bit TOO EARLY? maybe i can ask my dad to wake me up when he leaves for work... but its so early T_T

then that would mean having to sleep earlier............... lol.........which would change my entire day's schedule.

LOL............ who am i kidding..........................


okay really though...................maybe i'll sleep at... 11:30. so i'll have exactly 8 hours of sleep. regular people only need 6-7 right, so by having 8, it'll be good incase sometimes i sleep later to do work etc. maybe i'll try it out... starting.......... next week? LOL...... probably not tonight or tomorrow...

tonight - start and finish econ assignment
tomorrow night - finish rough copy, start and finish good copy of english essay.  Go go go !

sleep or study?

i am so tired. my eye bags. oh my eyebags. =( my poor eyebags........... i had to wake up early today to bus to school =(

calc test tomorrow - i know next to nothing more than the bare basics - maybe not even. why!?!! noone in my class understands much, we did some test review today, and we couldn't get past the first question. and he's still making the test tomorrow. why so mean? because apparantly, we should  have used the march break to study our butts off and get fat. =(

so. sleep or study?

if i try to study, the likeliness of my brain retaining any useful information will probably be close to 20%.

if i try to sleep, i may have trouble falling asleep since i will be worrying about waking up late and not having enough time  to study after.

if i take a 40 min nap and wake up for dinner, then study after dinner.... it might be alright...............but i will have lost 40 mins. and will definately have to FOCUS after dinner. no distractions. no facebook. no blogger... NOTHING! none of that comfortable studying prep. maybe tea. lol. but no watching any shows until i finish studying and am sure that i will get at least an 80% on my test tomorrow. right now, i'm looking at a 60. let's go! nap nap nap.

Creepy

There are five levels of creepiness.

1. The Secret Creeper : typical person, only stalks people on facebook, or myspace/whatever social networking site when something interesting pops up on their home page/news feed. harmless, just nosy or curious, or just doing their duty in keeping up to date with their friends...virtually. this level of creepiness is common and accepted in society.

2. The Observant Creeper : also a typical person, has really keen eyes and ears, and is good at noticing people that are around, what they are doing, and perhaps even over hear some of their conversations. perhaps this creeper will make mental thoughts about what was said or done, but wouldn't really take anything to heart. this is a harmless creeper.

3. The Distant Creeper : someone who takes an interest in certain individuals, or certain groups of people, and may follow them at a distance, with binoculars, or with webcams/spycams. their intentions may not be that bad, they are probably just interested, or curious, but they could also have alterior but passive motives (ie. peeping tom).

4. The Visible Creeper : this person does a bad job of hiding, or they just don't care. they're convinced that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what they are doing. they are really creepy and actually have creepy intentions, without thinking that they are creepy. they will say or do anything that will send out goosebumps and vibes that will make the hair on your skin tingle. they will come in contact with you! you should be wary of these people.

5. The Dangerous Creeper : this kind of creeper actively takes a role in creeping. they will find a target, follow them around, and once they have their schedule, likes/dislikes, and personality all figured out - obtaining this information through indirect means, they plan to take action, and do something creepy that may actually place the stalkee in a position of danger. they may even try to establish a relationship with you, to obtain information directly from you - with mal intentions. these people are highly dangerous, and the scary thing about them is that it could be anyone - a close friend, your next door neighbour, they can take on many illusions to trick you!

be warned! these people do exist!


there are so many creepers that i have come across.... in my.. life..... lol..... too many. one is more than enough, thank you. but they just keep coming. seriously. i like the way i look, but like, perhaps if my face wasn't so recognizeable.....  =) . and some creepers have a really good memory.. so you have to remember what you tell them - so you don't slip up if they ask you personal questions you do not want to answer but don't want to get in danger.