My Perspective in Your Shoes

I have come to realize that there are things I will never understand about people. It is easy for me to think that everyone would think and feel as I do, so that's my guide on how I treat others. "Treat others how you want to be treated" was my motto for pretty much all of my life. But the more people I meet, and the more time I spend with other people, the more I realize just how different some people can be. Differences in the way people think and perceive things can really change the way they interpret or behave in different situations.

I wonder to myself during times of conflict what is wrong. Why does the other person feel the way they do? If I put myself in their shoes, I would be fine - so why aren't they? If I put myself in their shoes, this is what I would want me to do to make things right. I am so used to this kind of thinking. Thinking that only revolves around knowing myself. Thinking that requires little effort of actually getting to know the other person. I have approached difficult situations thinking that I am putting myself in their shoes to try and understand them, but really, it is still my perspective. I am just putting myself in their shoes, but it doesn't make me that person. It makes that person me. Does that make sense? By putting myself in their shoes, I am essentially seeing the situation from their perspective - yes, but I am analyzing and processing and interpreting the situation with my own reasoning, thoughts, and feelings.

This is a really difficult concept for me to write out in words. I hope it makes some sense. Essentially what I am trying to say, is that it is impossible to completely see something from another person's point of view. Why? Because everyone has had different life experiences and thus we become different people. I guess that's what makes us all unique. No two people are exactly the same - in physical appearance (even twins have their differences), thought, and by actions. 

So where am I going with this? I think the point I am trying to make is that it my life will never be conflict-free. I will never be able to "please" anyone in every way. I will never fully comprehend the way people think and how they come to interpret the situation. Conflict is usually a misunderstanding between two people - caused by assumptions made and unspoken expectations. People approach situations and process their thoughts differently. Even if the thought process does not make any sense to me, I need to respect the other person. Loving another person is a difficult thing. It does not require me to put myself in their shoes. I can't understand everything about them. Things will not make sense. People don't make sense. I don't make sense. But what love requires is that I respect their thought processes and give them the space to do what they need. I need to understand that different people have different needs. Just because I don't need something doesn't mean it's like that for everyone else. Don't take things personally. Don't assume. Just take mental notes about the other person and learn from experience how to best love them through the next conflict.

Don't get me wrong; I am not saying that we shouldn't try and see things from the other person's perspective. It definitely helps. I am just saying that it is not enough to just do that. I am saying that if you try and still don't understand then just take it as it is. It's like physics. I don't always understand where the equations come from or how they make sense, but I just take them as they are and proceed to solve problems with them. I tend to take things to the extreme, so this post is to remind me that if I fail at understanding the other person, life will still carry on.