It's been so long since I've last posted that I think I've forgotten what it feels like to post. Does that make sense? Perhaps, perhaps not. Lately I've been feeling so hot and cold with people, like I am struggling internally to figure out what I am doing with all these mixed feelings I have. I feel so awful when I realize that I have these negative thoughts popping up in my head which almost turn into actions. I have caught myself suddenly feeling angry with someone, and then saying something mean to them, or acting in ways that aren't consistent. I know this is not good. I think I'm experiencing something similar to this; eating the same pizza every day for every meal. It gets tiring, it makes you start feeling like you need a break, something different for a while, but pizza every now and then would be just fine. Maybe I've dived too deep into the relationships I've built, gotten to know them too quickly, absorbed myself into them too much... and now it's taking a toll on me. Or perhaps it is because of biases, or pre-misconceptions that have slowly been slipping into my thoughts, changing the way I feel ever so slightly that it has gone unnoticed until more recently. I have to make a decision. Do I want to continue living this way? Am I hurting anyone? What are some steps I can take to perhaps draw myself closer back to the surface, but not end up too close to shore?
God, why is it so hard to love people? How is it that You do it so well? Humans are such complex creatures, that I can only begin to understand my own thoughts. How do I love those that I interact with, and how do I not give in to anger, frustration, and hateful thoughts? Please help me to love, please show me the way... It is so easy to be patient and kind to those who I first meet, but why is it so hard to keep that after a long time? Am I just getting tired of caring, tired of putting in so much effort? What kind of friend even thinks like that?
Looking through the scripture from yesterday's sermon (which just happens to relate...), I feel like God has already planted the answers in my heart...
1 John 4:20-21
Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us the command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
1 John 5:1-6
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood - Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.
John 20:21-23
Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed on them and said, " Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone's sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."
God, why is it so hard to love people? How is it that You do it so well? Humans are such complex creatures, that I can only begin to understand my own thoughts. How do I love those that I interact with, and how do I not give in to anger, frustration, and hateful thoughts? Please help me to love, please show me the way... It is so easy to be patient and kind to those who I first meet, but why is it so hard to keep that after a long time? Am I just getting tired of caring, tired of putting in so much effort? What kind of friend even thinks like that?
Looking through the scripture from yesterday's sermon (which just happens to relate...), I feel like God has already planted the answers in my heart...
1 John 4:20-21
Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us the command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
1 John 5:1-6
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood - Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.
John 20:21-23
Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed on them and said, " Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone's sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."
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