http://youtu.be/aZ3w2KZx3FM - Let it Rain , by Jesus Culture
Being away from my laptop for so long, it feels so good to finally hear some music and calm my spirit. To just listen to the words and soak it all in. The goodness of the Lord, the love He has shown me.
Sometimes I feel like my journey of faith could be a movie, or a TV series, and each episode is an experience with God that even the episodes of One Piece can not compare to. I wish I could record it somewhere, and watch playbacks during the year, to reflect on my life and see from an outside perspective, how things actually played out.
I am in a co-op program, and at my school, I am supposed to alternate between school and work every term. This means that I am on co-op this winter term. Throughout the whole job searching process with the school during the fall term, I was very successful in getting interviews, despite the fact that I have no experience what so ever, and basically know nothing. The issue was that I wasn't getting any offers that followed the interviews. I did not know what I was doing wrong in the interviews, and had no idea why no one wanted to hire me. I prayed to the Lord, asking Him to help me, telling Him that I would take any offer that was given to me, and saying that I would wait until He has the perfect job for me. So the term ended, and I came home, still without a placement for the winter term. Although I felt very discouraged and uncertain about God's timing, I still continued applying to the few job postings that came up and even looked at other job search engines and talked to everyone I knew who might be able to help me out.
The holidays kept me distracted for a bit, being busy with the festivities and all. But soon they ended, and the new term began. It hit me even harder, that I might just be doing nothing all term. Useless. Hopeless. Bum of the year. Then I spoke to my mentor and she pulled me out of whatever nasty state I was in. She made me realize that all along I hadn't been trying my hardest during the interviews, making the most out of the opportunities I had, wasting the time of employers and stealing away chances from other possible candidates. I had been a selfish and lazy bum, expecting to have opportunities thrown at me, and basically - I was on two extremes. On one hand, I believed that I didn't have to prepare so much for an interview, because I thought too highly of myself, but I also believed that I had no chance, because I knew nothing and wasn't capable. I don't know how one can believe these two obviously contradictory statements at one moment in time, but I guess I somehow did. I lived on these two extremities, and they brought me nowhere. My mentor made it clear to me that it was not my choice, whether or not I would get the job - but solely that of the employer. It was not my decision to make, whether or not I was qualified for the position, and if I couldn't even show that I had confidence in myself then I am basically disqualifying myself. And who's to say that I am incapable? God made me, gave me gifts and talents, and the ability to learn. God doesn't make you do anything that you're not capable of. So if God decides that I am capable and I am qualified and gives me the job, then He will equip me.
A lot to digest, I know. But it gets better. I got a phone interview with a company that I found outside of the school's system. I waited and waited for their response. Then I found out that I didn't get the position. I started planning out what I would do to occupy myself during the term and improve my skill inventory to make myself a better candidate for my next co-op term. I played a lot of piano. I got a lot of rest. I met and caught up with a lot of people. Then my dog got sick. She puked and defecated in the house early in the mornings, so my sister and I would have to get up early to clean up the mess and then go back to sleep. This kept happening throughout the week, and worried, we took her (the dog) to see the vet yesterday. My sister and I got the medication and instructions on how to take care of the dog, and I gave her a shower when we got home as well. Then I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in ages, and it was so good to see them. I checked my email at the end of the day (this was still yesterday) and I found that I had gotten a job offer.
I waited months. I waited anxiously, losing a bit of hope as time went by, wondering what I was going to do with myself, without a job. And then God gave me this opportunity and showed me that His timing is always best. If I had found a job earlier then I wouldn't have been able to have those extra few days to truly rest, catch up with friends, and take care of the dog with my sister. I wouldn't have had that conversation with my mentor and realized how wrong I was seeing things and approaching things the way I was. My attitude toward a lot of things would have stayed rotten.
God is the master of all time. There is no question about it. God's timing is inevitable, and what I mean by this is that nothing will happen if He doesn't allow it to, and it won't happen until He says it does. I am constantly being confronted with something God has for me to change, or to learn. There is always something new for me to learn about Him, something more, and it seems like God's reward for me having learnt something is my realization of just how much He loves me and get this - I can't measure how much God loves me; I don't know! It's more than I can imagine, more than I can count, more than I can express in words. Every time I feel God's presence and have a personal moment with God I am overwhelmed with tears of joy.
God moves so powerfully that you just have to bow your knees and watch Him love. I don't know why He would love someone like me, but I am so glad that He does.
Being away from my laptop for so long, it feels so good to finally hear some music and calm my spirit. To just listen to the words and soak it all in. The goodness of the Lord, the love He has shown me.
Sometimes I feel like my journey of faith could be a movie, or a TV series, and each episode is an experience with God that even the episodes of One Piece can not compare to. I wish I could record it somewhere, and watch playbacks during the year, to reflect on my life and see from an outside perspective, how things actually played out.
I am in a co-op program, and at my school, I am supposed to alternate between school and work every term. This means that I am on co-op this winter term. Throughout the whole job searching process with the school during the fall term, I was very successful in getting interviews, despite the fact that I have no experience what so ever, and basically know nothing. The issue was that I wasn't getting any offers that followed the interviews. I did not know what I was doing wrong in the interviews, and had no idea why no one wanted to hire me. I prayed to the Lord, asking Him to help me, telling Him that I would take any offer that was given to me, and saying that I would wait until He has the perfect job for me. So the term ended, and I came home, still without a placement for the winter term. Although I felt very discouraged and uncertain about God's timing, I still continued applying to the few job postings that came up and even looked at other job search engines and talked to everyone I knew who might be able to help me out.
The holidays kept me distracted for a bit, being busy with the festivities and all. But soon they ended, and the new term began. It hit me even harder, that I might just be doing nothing all term. Useless. Hopeless. Bum of the year. Then I spoke to my mentor and she pulled me out of whatever nasty state I was in. She made me realize that all along I hadn't been trying my hardest during the interviews, making the most out of the opportunities I had, wasting the time of employers and stealing away chances from other possible candidates. I had been a selfish and lazy bum, expecting to have opportunities thrown at me, and basically - I was on two extremes. On one hand, I believed that I didn't have to prepare so much for an interview, because I thought too highly of myself, but I also believed that I had no chance, because I knew nothing and wasn't capable. I don't know how one can believe these two obviously contradictory statements at one moment in time, but I guess I somehow did. I lived on these two extremities, and they brought me nowhere. My mentor made it clear to me that it was not my choice, whether or not I would get the job - but solely that of the employer. It was not my decision to make, whether or not I was qualified for the position, and if I couldn't even show that I had confidence in myself then I am basically disqualifying myself. And who's to say that I am incapable? God made me, gave me gifts and talents, and the ability to learn. God doesn't make you do anything that you're not capable of. So if God decides that I am capable and I am qualified and gives me the job, then He will equip me.
A lot to digest, I know. But it gets better. I got a phone interview with a company that I found outside of the school's system. I waited and waited for their response. Then I found out that I didn't get the position. I started planning out what I would do to occupy myself during the term and improve my skill inventory to make myself a better candidate for my next co-op term. I played a lot of piano. I got a lot of rest. I met and caught up with a lot of people. Then my dog got sick. She puked and defecated in the house early in the mornings, so my sister and I would have to get up early to clean up the mess and then go back to sleep. This kept happening throughout the week, and worried, we took her (the dog) to see the vet yesterday. My sister and I got the medication and instructions on how to take care of the dog, and I gave her a shower when we got home as well. Then I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in ages, and it was so good to see them. I checked my email at the end of the day (this was still yesterday) and I found that I had gotten a job offer.
I waited months. I waited anxiously, losing a bit of hope as time went by, wondering what I was going to do with myself, without a job. And then God gave me this opportunity and showed me that His timing is always best. If I had found a job earlier then I wouldn't have been able to have those extra few days to truly rest, catch up with friends, and take care of the dog with my sister. I wouldn't have had that conversation with my mentor and realized how wrong I was seeing things and approaching things the way I was. My attitude toward a lot of things would have stayed rotten.
God is the master of all time. There is no question about it. God's timing is inevitable, and what I mean by this is that nothing will happen if He doesn't allow it to, and it won't happen until He says it does. I am constantly being confronted with something God has for me to change, or to learn. There is always something new for me to learn about Him, something more, and it seems like God's reward for me having learnt something is my realization of just how much He loves me and get this - I can't measure how much God loves me; I don't know! It's more than I can imagine, more than I can count, more than I can express in words. Every time I feel God's presence and have a personal moment with God I am overwhelmed with tears of joy.
God moves so powerfully that you just have to bow your knees and watch Him love. I don't know why He would love someone like me, but I am so glad that He does.
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