The Summer Coop Dilemma

So it's summer and it's a weekend. That means I don't have to go to work and I don't have to study either. However, I do have a bunch of things to work on.

I need to learn my testimony in mandarin, read a bunch of books, clean my bathroom and floor, and do a bunch of things for my club.

I can also practice piano/guitar, and learn bass.

The only problem is that it's summertime and really nice outside. So it's a nice day, and I want to go out and play. But everyone is busy with school things and it costs money to go out and do work somewhere nice. It used to have been better because there were a lot of other people who were on coop here with me, but most of them found coops elsewhere or graduated... so... that just leaves me...

So what do I do? Stay at home and chill on my own, doing the above? Invite someone over to do something with me? Ask someone if they want to study/work together? Maybe I just have to get to know my friends' schedules better and work something out with them.

Because I Can't Escape Being Me

People come up with the craziest things. Anything to get out of something. Anything to push the blame to someone else. Anything to not be responsible.

How much is too much? When have you done enough, or taken on enough that it becomes too much?

I have a really annoying trait. It bothers me. It's that I can't resist a challenge. If something seems like it'll be hard to accomplish, I will go for it if I feel it is do-able but not impossible.

Here we go....

Real Friends

Real friends go through the good and rough times with you,
They pick up when you call,
They know when something is wrong,
They respect you and care for you.

Once someone told me that to care for another takes a lot of effort,
And he was right.
You can tell when someone really cares about you,
and therefore also when they don't.

But in the end what matters most,
Is that everyone is cared for,
In some way or another.
And nobody is left out.



But is that what this is all about? Fairness and equality in friendship? Does everyone deserve to be someone else's friend? How does one make a choice to start being friends with someone else?

Nowadays people throw that word around as if it means nothing. You can call somebody a friend even if you only barely know them.

The difference between having someone call you a friend and actually being their friend is in the way they treat you and in their actions. So if you want a real friend then you better be prepared to act like one to them.

Your Name

A short prayer...

Your Name - Paul Baloche


As morning dawns and evening fades
You inspire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch Your heart and glorify Your Name

Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

Jesus, in Your Name we pray
Come and fill our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live for You and glorify Your Name

Les Intouchables

mmm good movie.

This song was in the soundtrack: Feelin' Good - Nina Simone


Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel
Sun in the sky, you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me.
Yeah, it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, ooh...
And I'm feelin' good.

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River runnin' free, you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me,
And I'm feelin' good

Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don't you know,
Butterflies all havin' fun, you know what I mean.
Sleep in peace when day is done: that's what I mean,
And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me...

Stars when you shine, you know how I feel
Scent of the pine, you know how I feel
Yeah, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel..
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me
And I'm feelin'... good.

BOTs

I've  been a little behind lately on my Bible readings. Last I've posted, I was reading Hebrews and I only managed to read the last chapter today. There are only 13 chapters and it has been more than 13 days since I started reading Hebrews.

Much has been happening and I've realized that I have a hard time transitioning between school and work terms. The end of a school term just comes so abruptly that it catches me off guard. One day I am intensely studying for exams and the next day I write it and it's all over. Then I go home and relax, doing nothing for a few days and then come back to work life. I have to start waking up super early, struggle to stay awake for 9 hours, and then find something to do until bedtime. That's just the physical and partial mental change.

There is also an emotional change that comes with social change. My friends leave and some other friends come back. I have to reconnect with the people that I've lost touch with or didn't really get a chance to hang out with while we weren't in the same city. I miss the ones that are off doing something else, but am glad to see the ones that are back.

This is my fourth week of work starting tomorrow and I am only just starting to feel like I've settled into my new workplace. I started to get to know my coworkers a bit better and have more responsibilities/tasks to do. I have started to get into a routine (almost) of waking up at 7am every morning, and trying to sleep early (by 11pm). It's hard adjusting. But when I think about it, I can't believe I've already made it one month in. I feel like this term is almost over but it's only just begun.

In another 4 weeks I will be going off to China and then when I get back there will only be another 4 weeks left of work. Then I will be back in school and everything will change and I will have to readjust again.

This makes me feel like I really need to make the most out of the next 4 weeks before I go. I want to meet up with a lot of people who are back now and keep in touch with those that aren't around. I want to improve my guitar skills, volunteer, read a bunch of books, cook, and bake a lot. There are so many things I want to do but I don't know how I'll be able to do them all.


Anyway, I'm not sure how this post relates to this passage from Hebrews I wanted to share, but here it is:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

So we say with confidence,

"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

(Hebrews 13:5-6)

Personal Testimony

I am going on a missions trip soon and I was asked to write my personal testimony as part of the application. I wrote it but I realized that I went beyond the length requirement, so the full version is here.

I started attending church at a very young age, so I started learning about God right from the very start. I knew all of the popular Bible stories, but I didn't understand how these stories related to me aside from defining a set of rules and restrictions I had to follow. At home, I was taught that God knew everything and was ready to strike me with lightning if I ever did something wrong. This image of God led me to believe that He was just another threat to make me behave, that God was someone who wanted to restrict me to act and dress a certain way. I even remember a time where I dreaded Sunday mornings as I knew that I would be forced into wearing a dress and itchy stockings. I hated it because I thought I had to pretend to be someone that I was not so that God would love me at church. I resented God for making me a girl and often wondered why He would do such a cruel thing to me. I always heard about God being someone who loved and cared for me but I didn't see it.

It wasn't until later that I started to learn about who God really was. For one of my assignments in English class, I was told to write a speech to give to my classmates about any topic. At that point, I had grown to know that God wasn't just some being who was always prepared to punish me. From my Sunday school teachers at that time, I started learning about who Jesus was. I had many questions about why he would choose to die on the cross and why God would let such a thing happen to His only son. Since this was something that interested me, I decided to do my speech on Christianity. My Sunday school teachers were very helpful in answering the questions I had and through preparing for my speech, I learned a lot about the relationship between God, His Son, and I. I realized that Jesus didn't really want to suffer, that He also cried out to God, asking why such a horrible thing had to happen to him. I also learned that he still chose to obey and that there was a purpose for his obedience. Jesus was loved by God, but God still let horrible things happen to him. God loved me, but He still made me a girl. Although I still questioned this, I started to believe that there was more to God than what I thought I knew.

In high school, I heard many testimonies from people about how they had encountered God and how they had a relationship with Him. I was envious because I wanted that experience too. I wanted God to show himself to me, to have that sureness in me that He was real and that He was loving. How could I love a God that I didn't know personally? I didn't understand what that was like. So I prayed, asking God to reveal himself to me to show that it is worth believing in Him. I prayed that I too, could have a personal relationship with Him. So He showed me. I started seeing God working around me in ways that filled me with awe. It was then that I decided that I had seen enough of God to convince me that He is real, that He is loving and I knew that I wanted to commit myself to follow Him and find out more.

When I entered university, life changed. I started being more open to making new friends and attended church in the new town I was in. I joined a fellowship on campus and experienced a love from them that could have only come from God. God revealed more about His love for me through these people that I had met and they were very encouraging and supportive of me. I learned a lot about the kind of community that God wanted His children to have. During my last work term, I asked God what He wanted me to do once I got my degree in engineering. I knew from the kind of work I was doing that I wasn't interested in the automotive industry, and I wasn't in the right program to do robotics as I had originally wanted to do. At the end of the term, God gave me a vision. I had heard about Nehemiah the cup bearer from one of the sermons that I had attended at the church in Waterloo, about his wine-stained palm. I saw that same wine-stained palm in my dream, and I awoke to hearing the name Nehemiah ringing in my head. I realized that God was calling me to serve the people in developing countries. He wanted me to go and show them His love to His people through engineering. And I decided that this is something that I want to do. You can read about my experience in detail here.

One weekend, I decided to come back to Toronto for the weekend. That particular Sunday, we had a guest speaker who talked about women and their role in the church. She talked about the differences between men and women and why God made the two different. Through some other things she said, I realized that God had made me the way I am for a reason, that God wanted me to be a girl and that He loved me for it. As I am in the engineering program, my identity as a female was still a thorn in my side. I wondered if it was wrong for me to be in a male-dominated program, and still wondered why God made me this way. Why couldn't I just be a boy and fit in with most of my other classmates? But God really touched my heart when He finally addressed the issue that had followed me since the very start of our relationship. Through this speaker’s sermon, God told me that He had intentionally made me a female and that there was nothing wrong with me wanting to be an engineer (You can read about that experience here). He told me that He loves me just as I am and that He didn't want me to hate myself for not being a boy. I realized that I had been very rude and unappreciative of Him this entire time. God had made me this way, and it was insulting for me to tell Him that I didn't like it. The fact that I constantly rejected the way God had made me and the fact that He still wants to love me was overwhelming. As God has answered one of the deepest questions that had followed me all my life after I had chosen to obey His calling, I am deeply touched by His love and trust in His promise that He wants the best for me and that He loves me. I learned that once you obey and trust in Him, God will make it worth it for you.