There's only one more week of March to go, and already so much has happened this month. I think this is the first time i've ever reflected about a month... sounds weird eh. i normally only think about what happened that day (that day, being some day in the past, or some day to come? lol wow any day then).
Weeks 1&2 (Feb 28 - 12).
I include Feb 28th because that's when it all started. During class, I had a sudden and intense sharp pain in my chest, which lasted a couple of seconds. This has happened to me before, so I knew that I would be okay after a while (short term). Then, since class was over, I went and sat down on the floor, lying against my locker. I thought about the implications of what happened during class, and what it could mean for me. in my mind, i immediately jumped to the worst case scenario - having to live my last moments in a hospital bed, being tested by doctors, and experimented on with needles and who knows what else, having my parents and loved ones worry about me. All these negative thoughts filleld my mind. A friend who I wasn't really close with passed by, and I think he could see that I was in distress.. so he sat with me for the whole lunch and talked to me. i didnt really tell him what happened. but he was there for me, and it just felt so good to have someone to just talk to, although i worried that he would just think i was stupid and not wanna talk to me anymore. lol, again thinking in the negative zone. Then he made me promise that he would see me tomorrow, which was my birthday. (for more details about that day, there's a post somewhere down there)
March 1 - my birthday. I told my friend i wasn't sure if i would make it to this day alive. I thought that i could die at the age of 18 - but he insisted that i come to school tomorrow so he could see me. haha and me, being all negative and such, told him that i couldn't promise that he would see me. but so far he has seen me almost every school day. we talked again at lunch, and after school.. and he told me things that i never knew about him, but well we werent that close to begin with anyway.
then from march 3-10 i just thought about it. the whole thing. what i should do: tell my parents? tell my doctor? what would i say? my friend told me that i have to tell someone - parents/doctor. he said i had to do something about it because he wants me to be alive. haha. but i dont knoww he listened to my insecurities and my selfish thoughts. my wanting to just drop dead instead of trying to live.
march 11 - i went to the doctor's for my scheduled annual physical check up. as i waited anxiously in the doctor's office, i fretted over what i would tell him, and how i would respond.. when he came in, i just blurted out the symptoms. lol i didnt even say what i had rehearsed. and he told me that it was just heart burn, and that there was nothing fatally threatening about it, unless it reoccured frequently. what a relief. Then i went to school after lunch, and i just sat and talked with my friend. I told him the good news and he was happy for me. I feel like those two weeks have made us closer as friends, even if it was because of something bad, it has furthered our friendship - something i am very happy about =).
march 12 - nothing much i can remember.
WEEK OF MARCH BREAK; WEEK THREE:
march 13 - final rehearsal (dress) for the musical! + i won a free coffee from Tim Horton's roll up the rim coffee. after the rehearsal i went into waterloo.
March 14-16 - spent a fantastic three days in waterloo. loved spending time with my sister and her friends/roommates(there's a post with more details somewhere below as well).
March 17 - Met up with a friend at Mr. Greek. We ate and talked, and I told her the whole thing about the panic attack i had at school, and I realized how selfish it was of me to want to just have a sudden and quick death. How I was leaving all my responsabilities behind, and leaving my parents to grief, which I hadn't thought of as worse than worrying and anticipating my death instead of just finding out I died. We talked about how selfish it was of me, to not try to live, to not try and get help, especially when nowadays, our knowledge in medicine is so advanced that there is a great chance that i'll be able to be cured, and live a longer life that God intended for me to live. Also, I remembered this verse:
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
which talks about taking care of your body, and doing your best to keep it healthy and of course, alive! She was genuinly worried about why I could even ponder about going to see a doctor about what happened, and she made me promise that I would tell someone right away the next time something like that happens to me.
Then, I got a call from my band leader telling me that I didn't have to go to do sound check for the musical because the transformer (something to do with electricity) blew up at the place, so they had no power anyway. lol......and the musical was the next day...
March 18 - we had no show today to perform because the transformer blew up, and they still had no power. so, instead of having to choose one committement over the other, between going to meet with the girl's group, and the musical, I didn't have to choose anymore. I was worried about what to do, and i didnt want to not go to the girl's group because i committed to that, and the days clashed for where I was needed. I had previously prayed to God about having Him prove to me that He was indeed real, that He could show me His mighty power, and this is what He did. He blew up a transformer for me (by the way, noone got hurt). lol how awesome is that? God loved me so much, and He didn't want me to break any of my committments, and He also gave me a sign. He answered two of my prayers right there, and He pulled me onto His side of the fence, away from Satan's grasp on my boot, so that I could fully know and not doubt the power and existence of my God.
March 19- spent the entire day rehearsing, and spending time with the people involved in the musical, and we had a great performance. so many people were there, but there wasn't a lack of seats. so awesome.
WEEK FOUR
March 20- 25, pretty much the same, just finding out that all my marks are dropping... lol but i can still do this! Also reminded that God has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) not to harm me but to prosper me, so don't worry about uni/the future!
March 23 - God answered my prayer from almost a year ago. lol wow. again, I am so amazed. Last year, at 30 hour famine I shared with my fellowship that I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to do what I thought God wanted me to do, but God gave me an opportunity that day (23rd), and I took it. wow. lol. I guess it's just His timing, because a few days before, i just learned something new, and more of the branches in my brain grew and connected, so that i would be prepared on that day. God is so awesome, and from this, I learned that I must keep faith in Him, and trust that His timing is right.
March 25 - during fellowship, we had a sharing time. and usually these sharing times are kind of awkward because you can't just expect people to just start telling the group about their personal lives and what has happened to them , or what is happenning to them, or what they are scared of, or their insecurities, and the list goes on. But the wonderful thing was that they did share, and I was so glad to hear them share whatever it was that they had to say. To see God working in their lives, to connect the pieces, to see more of who God really is and just how mighty and awesome He is. Through my own personal sharing, I realized how God was working in my life, and how much God loves all of us - that He would blow up a transformer for me, so that I might be able to believe with all my heart in Him, that He didn't forget me when everyone else was at TC and drawing closer to Him. I wasn't left out. I didn't feel that I missed out on God's presence and that is what's so wonderful about His love, that He doesn't leave anyone out. He doesn't want anyone to miss out on Him, any opportunities for growth, and answered prayers. All the more reason to praise God, and when we did worship during sharing, it was really good. Even though our voices were starting to crack and go a bit flat, it didn't hinder us from feeling the Holy Spirit in the room, it didn't stop us from trying to praise God because He deserves it and more!
What an intense march! wow, God really did have so much planned for me. My first month of being 18, an adult - and this is what I get, an intense month filled with God. The even better thing, is that there's more to come. I think that God has been working through my entire life, but it's just that I didn't see it. I feel like my eyes have been opened now, and I am so delighted by what God is showing/has shown me! There's more of God that I can have; that all of us can experience!
One more week left, I wonder what lies in store for me?
and of couse, a song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oA2ka7tnh8 - Marvelous Light, by Charlie Hall - I love the verses that the maker of the video put up. =)
I didn't believe that He could free me, but look at me. My chains are coming loose!
Weeks 1&2 (Feb 28 - 12).
I include Feb 28th because that's when it all started. During class, I had a sudden and intense sharp pain in my chest, which lasted a couple of seconds. This has happened to me before, so I knew that I would be okay after a while (short term). Then, since class was over, I went and sat down on the floor, lying against my locker. I thought about the implications of what happened during class, and what it could mean for me. in my mind, i immediately jumped to the worst case scenario - having to live my last moments in a hospital bed, being tested by doctors, and experimented on with needles and who knows what else, having my parents and loved ones worry about me. All these negative thoughts filleld my mind. A friend who I wasn't really close with passed by, and I think he could see that I was in distress.. so he sat with me for the whole lunch and talked to me. i didnt really tell him what happened. but he was there for me, and it just felt so good to have someone to just talk to, although i worried that he would just think i was stupid and not wanna talk to me anymore. lol, again thinking in the negative zone. Then he made me promise that he would see me tomorrow, which was my birthday. (for more details about that day, there's a post somewhere down there)
March 1 - my birthday. I told my friend i wasn't sure if i would make it to this day alive. I thought that i could die at the age of 18 - but he insisted that i come to school tomorrow so he could see me. haha and me, being all negative and such, told him that i couldn't promise that he would see me. but so far he has seen me almost every school day. we talked again at lunch, and after school.. and he told me things that i never knew about him, but well we werent that close to begin with anyway.
then from march 3-10 i just thought about it. the whole thing. what i should do: tell my parents? tell my doctor? what would i say? my friend told me that i have to tell someone - parents/doctor. he said i had to do something about it because he wants me to be alive. haha. but i dont knoww he listened to my insecurities and my selfish thoughts. my wanting to just drop dead instead of trying to live.
march 11 - i went to the doctor's for my scheduled annual physical check up. as i waited anxiously in the doctor's office, i fretted over what i would tell him, and how i would respond.. when he came in, i just blurted out the symptoms. lol i didnt even say what i had rehearsed. and he told me that it was just heart burn, and that there was nothing fatally threatening about it, unless it reoccured frequently. what a relief. Then i went to school after lunch, and i just sat and talked with my friend. I told him the good news and he was happy for me. I feel like those two weeks have made us closer as friends, even if it was because of something bad, it has furthered our friendship - something i am very happy about =).
march 12 - nothing much i can remember.
WEEK OF MARCH BREAK; WEEK THREE:
march 13 - final rehearsal (dress) for the musical! + i won a free coffee from Tim Horton's roll up the rim coffee. after the rehearsal i went into waterloo.
March 14-16 - spent a fantastic three days in waterloo. loved spending time with my sister and her friends/roommates(there's a post with more details somewhere below as well).
March 17 - Met up with a friend at Mr. Greek. We ate and talked, and I told her the whole thing about the panic attack i had at school, and I realized how selfish it was of me to want to just have a sudden and quick death. How I was leaving all my responsabilities behind, and leaving my parents to grief, which I hadn't thought of as worse than worrying and anticipating my death instead of just finding out I died. We talked about how selfish it was of me, to not try to live, to not try and get help, especially when nowadays, our knowledge in medicine is so advanced that there is a great chance that i'll be able to be cured, and live a longer life that God intended for me to live. Also, I remembered this verse:
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
which talks about taking care of your body, and doing your best to keep it healthy and of course, alive! She was genuinly worried about why I could even ponder about going to see a doctor about what happened, and she made me promise that I would tell someone right away the next time something like that happens to me.
Then, I got a call from my band leader telling me that I didn't have to go to do sound check for the musical because the transformer (something to do with electricity) blew up at the place, so they had no power anyway. lol......and the musical was the next day...
March 18 - we had no show today to perform because the transformer blew up, and they still had no power. so, instead of having to choose one committement over the other, between going to meet with the girl's group, and the musical, I didn't have to choose anymore. I was worried about what to do, and i didnt want to not go to the girl's group because i committed to that, and the days clashed for where I was needed. I had previously prayed to God about having Him prove to me that He was indeed real, that He could show me His mighty power, and this is what He did. He blew up a transformer for me (by the way, noone got hurt). lol how awesome is that? God loved me so much, and He didn't want me to break any of my committments, and He also gave me a sign. He answered two of my prayers right there, and He pulled me onto His side of the fence, away from Satan's grasp on my boot, so that I could fully know and not doubt the power and existence of my God.
March 19- spent the entire day rehearsing, and spending time with the people involved in the musical, and we had a great performance. so many people were there, but there wasn't a lack of seats. so awesome.
WEEK FOUR
March 20- 25, pretty much the same, just finding out that all my marks are dropping... lol but i can still do this! Also reminded that God has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) not to harm me but to prosper me, so don't worry about uni/the future!
March 23 - God answered my prayer from almost a year ago. lol wow. again, I am so amazed. Last year, at 30 hour famine I shared with my fellowship that I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to do what I thought God wanted me to do, but God gave me an opportunity that day (23rd), and I took it. wow. lol. I guess it's just His timing, because a few days before, i just learned something new, and more of the branches in my brain grew and connected, so that i would be prepared on that day. God is so awesome, and from this, I learned that I must keep faith in Him, and trust that His timing is right.
March 25 - during fellowship, we had a sharing time. and usually these sharing times are kind of awkward because you can't just expect people to just start telling the group about their personal lives and what has happened to them , or what is happenning to them, or what they are scared of, or their insecurities, and the list goes on. But the wonderful thing was that they did share, and I was so glad to hear them share whatever it was that they had to say. To see God working in their lives, to connect the pieces, to see more of who God really is and just how mighty and awesome He is. Through my own personal sharing, I realized how God was working in my life, and how much God loves all of us - that He would blow up a transformer for me, so that I might be able to believe with all my heart in Him, that He didn't forget me when everyone else was at TC and drawing closer to Him. I wasn't left out. I didn't feel that I missed out on God's presence and that is what's so wonderful about His love, that He doesn't leave anyone out. He doesn't want anyone to miss out on Him, any opportunities for growth, and answered prayers. All the more reason to praise God, and when we did worship during sharing, it was really good. Even though our voices were starting to crack and go a bit flat, it didn't hinder us from feeling the Holy Spirit in the room, it didn't stop us from trying to praise God because He deserves it and more!
What an intense march! wow, God really did have so much planned for me. My first month of being 18, an adult - and this is what I get, an intense month filled with God. The even better thing, is that there's more to come. I think that God has been working through my entire life, but it's just that I didn't see it. I feel like my eyes have been opened now, and I am so delighted by what God is showing/has shown me! There's more of God that I can have; that all of us can experience!
One more week left, I wonder what lies in store for me?
and of couse, a song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oA2ka7tnh8 - Marvelous Light, by Charlie Hall - I love the verses that the maker of the video put up. =)
I didn't believe that He could free me, but look at me. My chains are coming loose!
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